From the bottom of my boots...

Rad bi rekel, da sem že prispel,

ampak mislim, da sem še daleč stran.

I try to focus, but there's a disconnect between my body and my mind, like nothing about it fits anymore. I don't feel like I belong in this body; like I've lost my ability to interact with this world. It feels like I'm observing through a veil, and I don't know how to move. Panic is a type of pain too. And going forward I really need to learn how to tame mine. My thoughts aren't real. The scenarios in my head aren't a warning. They're a pathology. And like any other corrosive limb, I need to cut it off. Set my body free and continue with less of me. Hopefully enough to still resemble a person. 

On the edge of gone...

I know you're worried. I'm worried too. I'm sorry for not being able to explain things properly or give you the answers you want. I'm just, very ... I can't think of the right word. How do I explain that my mind is too slow and too jumbled all at once. That I'm out of gas and I barely get through the day? That I've failed, and the only way to keep from falling apart is to accept that? Or that maybe I've already fallen apart, and I don't know if I can sweep the pieces back together? I guess I'll settle on three words. I am tired.

Not good at staying still...