Holes in my pockets...

Lately, I don't feel inspired,

wish I was a better liar.

It's too late to be this early,

heaven knows you tried to hurt me,

maybe that's why I blame the moon,

Saw it from afar, now here we are...

This birthday, I am letting go. Letting go of the expectations of how my life should have turned out, especially in recent years. I'll be leaving that angry, resentful, crying little bitch out in the dust. Or at least I'll try every day as hard as I can to not look at the world with such gloom. Because as I blew out my candle, all I could think of was how much I actually have. In the grand scheme of things, nothing that would stand the test of time. But I have a small part of someone, and I gave a small part away, and I call my mother, while I still can, and I listen to my brother, while he still wants to talk to me, and I try to exercise while by body is still alive, and I have friends I try to support, and I have people who try to understand. And despite everything, I still have that stupid grin on my face.

Headstrong right and dead-end wrong...

The benefit of starting from rock bottom is that I've basically been handed a gift: a clean slate. My pride has been utterly demolished, my ego is pulverized, my fear of failure has been realized in its most brutal form. Yet here I am, if nothing else, absolutely free.

He started weeping out loud as the scenes of his past replayed through his head. He'd always seen the universe's interventions as highly intentional and careful selected. Something he started to rely on when he was faced with the realities of this world. Surely the universe wouldn't leave him our to dry? Surely not, after all this time? So he waited. And waited some more. For a sign that he was not abandoned. And so a year has gone by, and he is still sitting there, realising how much it cost him to hope for something that never came. But even more terrifying, what if the sign had come, and he just didn't see it? What if he had become blind to the universe's will? Maybe the universe isn't broken. Maybe the only thing that has forsaken him, is himself.