Karr lives in fantasy...

I felt fully awake most of the time, but sometimes while I was awake it felt as if I were dreaming. In this dream state I didn't feel like me, the real me. I felt numb. My fingers prickled. My eyes in the mirror's reflection were glazed like the eyes of a mannequin in a shop window, my colour, my shape, but without light or focus. The weeping fit would pass and I would drag myself back to the mirror expecting to see a child version of myself. Who are you? I'd ask. I could hear the words; it sounded like me but it wasn't me. I'd watch my lips moving and say it again, who are you?

Holes in my pockets...

Lately, I don't feel inspired,

wish I was a better liar.

It's too late to be this early,

heaven knows you tried to hurt me,

maybe that's why I blame the moon.

Saw it from afar, now here we are...

This birthday, I am letting go. Letting go of the expectations of how my life should have turned out, especially in recent years. I'll be leaving that angry, resentful, crying little bitch out in the dust. Or at least I'll try every day as hard as I can to not look at the world with such gloom. Because as I blew out my candle, all I could think of was how much I actually have. In the grand scheme of things, nothing that would stand the test of time. But I have a small part of someone, and I gave a small part away, and I call my mother, while I still can, and I listen to my brother, while he still wants to talk to me, and I try to exercise while by body is still alive, and I have friends I try to support, and I have people who try to understand. And despite everything, I still have that stupid grin on my face.