I wasn't brave enough to go...

You inched yourself across the great divide,

while we drove aimlessly along the line.

I heard nothing but the bass in every ballad that you'd play,

while you swore the universe read your mind.

But the world is scared of hesitating things,

they only shoot the birds who cannot sing.

And I'm finally aware of how shitty and unfair.

it was to stare ahead like everything was fine.

Time won't wait on me...

I once believed in faith - that if I patiently waited, something good will happen. But as it turns out, the chapter I am in, does not really have a happy ending. Just a series of unfortunate events that I am forced to deal with while I'm bombarded by the voices in my head. So once again, I find myself devastated. Months have gone by and it doesn't feel like I've grown at all. I've tried several times to adjust my mindset, but ended up in the same ending. It was always a different title, same story; different choices made but ending up with the same plot and finale. Now I think I am done. Utterly broken by this never ending maze, destined to wander endlessly and finally giving up faith.

Dance halls, another cadence...

 

I've got no more tricks up my sleeve...

Everything was becoming blurred - before his eyes, inside his head - because of the fierce wind, the boundless space with nothing to hold on to, the clouds he had come too close to, which long continued to journey on inside him. The audacity to never stop believing in sojourning among the summits have their price.

Nothing seems real anymore. Life feels like a cosmic conspiracy, and as much as I try not to be a victim, I so easily fall back into patterns of blame and hurt. All because I can't get rid of the hunch, that there is something more waiting for me out there. An existence I can claim. Even the flames from the fire seem to beckon to me, drawing me into this fantasy of a journey beyond this one, buried somewhere deep in my subconscious. If only I could find the key, If only. And so I continue onwards, trying to find some logical way of passing my time, of justifying a means to an end.

In the end I hope it’s you and me...

I'll be here the whole night...

I'll take my pride, 

stand here for you.

I'm not blind, 

just seeing it through.

You take my life,

just for the thrill.

I'll take tonight,

and die on this hill.

This song has started now...

What you want is the whole of him, isn't it? And the whole of him isn't there for anybody. In that full sense you want him, he doesn't exist. Everything in his life, he could see now, had taken the same turn, as for his desire for greatness, he often puzzled and puzzled, without ever allowing himself to be fully sad, as to what could be wrong with the formula. It does not work, he thought. At times there were moments when he asked himself if he could have been in the wrong for wanting more for himself. What he thought he regretted was his lack of guard, his wayward extravagance. For what had always happened he could still not account. There seemed to be some way some people reached for the stars, and somehow managed to catch one. 

I just might...

The past is a black hole, cut into the present day like a wound. I must be weary not to come too close into its proximity and get sucked in. I have to keep moving and resist its gravitational pull. Look away from its deceptively calming exterior. Understand that the serenity it brings is rotted and impure. I'd rather take the second chance life has offered me, even though it doesn't mean I'm in the clear. In many ways, it is the more difficult thing. Because a second chance means that I have to try harder. I must rise to the challenge without the blind optimism of ignorance. And the pressure of knowing that the universe rarely gives out a third. 

Puffing up my chest...

Don't give up. Don't falter and succumb to pain. Power through. Life is not coming at you, it is coming from you. Chase it. Take a step back and listen more closely to the sound of your beating heart. You are alive, and that in itself is a miracle. You can do this. She still believes in you.

This was the desert, everything all at once, whether it was needed or not. What survived had learned to save, live carefully, and keep a low profile, even appear to be dead for long periods. Perseverance and patience. You go on. You just go on. Even if you feel like your legs are about to shatter, and your sight is completely dimmed by the scorching sun. Go on. There's nothing more to it, and there's no trick to make it easier. You just go on. And what do you find on the other side? When you go on? Your life again. What else?

Should have seen the signs...

I'm sending warm regards...

If you say I'm too much, 

go find less.

If you can't keep up, 

stay below, I guess.

If I'm such a big deal, 

maybe you're too little.

Oh, it's tough? 

I'm too, too, too much.

Put me in the sky...

The big goodbye...

A me vidiš? 

Še vedno sem tu. 

I have I feeling, more than ever actually, that this coming year is going to be about letting go. Letting go of the notions I have about my life, how it should have happened, what still has to happen, and what I have to avoid at all costs. As it turns out, life is not coming at me, but from me, and being afraid is a tenant I need to release from my grasp. I need to let go of my pride. Of the pain that haunted me in recent months. Of the resentment I felt towards the universe for having the audacity to help me grow. This year will be about saying goodbye to the life I wanted for myself, and walking forward, even if step by step, towards something wonderful.

I tried to hide, but something broke...

I'm still alive and tomorrow has infinite potential. I'm still under the impression that somehow my luck is suddenly going to change, even though I don't have any indication of it. And more so, does it even need to change? Or have I in fact already been living the luckiest possible outcomes of my fate? If I can change the world, the world will change. Potential. In the past I dreaded that word. Almost resented it. Now I repeat it as I go to sleep. So much hope, so many dreams, and so much potential. I can't wait to see how it all turns out.