Out of my league...

I wonder how I can step forward, when I've yet to forgive what lies in the past. How can I love someone for who they are, yet want to hate them for what they've done? I guess what it breaks down to is this - there are always going to be those defining moments, the times which make us, or break us. Build us, or tear us apart. And whichever path we may choose, there are consequences of equal value. It's a true test of what we stand for, where we came from, and where we're going. These are moments that we live for, breathe for, fight for. They leave imprints in our hearts, shaping our souls, impervioulsy and forever. In the end I am confronted with the simple truth that if I want to be free of the past, I have to forgive it. And forgiving may mean letting go. And so that's what I'm going to do, that's what I've already done. Now all I have to do, is take a step forward.

He knows it doesn't make sense, that it's never going to happen. Yet still he dreams and hopes and wishes. They are too far above, they always were. His wings were cut off long ago, and now he has no way to reach them. As he gazes into their eyes, and as he lays witness to their happiness, he is overwhelmed with a sense of desperation. All the things she said, were never true, he can accept that now. But still it burns when he cries, because tears scream out his name. Some say he is going the wrong way. But the path is just his, away from the rest, right through the meadows towards his goal.

It's time to say goodbye to turning tables...

Close enough to start a war,

all I have is on the floor.

God only knows what we're fighting for,

all that I say, you always say more.

Under the haunted skies 

I see where love is lost,

I see where your ghost is found,

and as hard as you try, 

I will never defy.

How the mighty have fallen...

I am content with where I am. I've said goodbye to people I never thought I would, but I've also said hello to a couple of new one's as well. The agony of holding on, was just so much greater than the pain of letting go. So I did, and now I'm heading for limbo. Even though life keeps closing doors and shutting windows, I know I'll endure. Because if anything, I've always been handy with a sledgehammer. I was a fool to think it would be easier this time, I realise that now. It's not supposed to be simple. It's meant to be the hardest thing I'll ever do. I've lost my fear of failure and it's been the most liberating experience I could have imagined. As I look around and see the shattered pieces of all which once was, I make s silent pledge. Never again shall I settle for less than I deserve.

I'm not sure when my story began, and I certainly don't know how it's going to end, so I guess what you're reading is everything in between. All I can hope for, all I've ever wished for, is that some of you will come along for the ride. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't do it alone. And come to think of it, I don't want to do it by myself anymore. I don't want to be self-sufficient, I don't want to be strong, I don't want to walk this empty street with my head held high. At the core of it, I think I just need to belong. Because together we are so much stronger, so much louder. This might be another one of my fantasies again, but I don't care. Rather a boulevard of broken dreams, than a life without them. I'll set fire to the rain, just wait and see.