Setting sail for north and never looking back...

My heart doesn't get broken anymore. I push people away before that happens. I think it's for the best. I know I couldn't handle another downfall. I'm at a good place right now. Alone, as always before, but somehow content with the way my life is going. Though I'd be lying if I said there aren't days when I just want to run away. Things are starting to unfold in a way I didn't think was possible. That seems to always be the case. My dreams never come true, yet my fragile existence keeps marching forward. I find strength in little things, the ones others take for granted. I am flawed without dispute and I have made many mistakes. But look at me, I'm still here, I'm still standing. I'm still screaming...

No one is afraid of heights, they're afraid of the fall. No one is afraid to play, they're afraid to lose. No one is afraid of the dark, they're afraid of what's in it. No one is afraid of "I love you", they're afraid of the response. We're afraid of the unknown, the unfamiliar. But him, he's always been afraid of the present. He's afraid to live, because the past and the future seem so much better. He's afraid of life, because he's afraid that what has yet to be, shall not be what he dreamt of. He's afraid of himself and his secret. He's just a boy who's afraid to be himself...

I keep trying to find out what I already know...

Mlin na veter me bo gnal,

da ne bom nikol pristal.

Glih zdej plavam čez oblak

in grem tja, kjer je led s severa.

In vse to spremlja črn ptič,

ki mi vedno vse unič.

Zdej pa jadram v ekstrem,

da spoznam tist kar že vem.

The stars were never enough...

It's amazing what one person can do. Some people come into your life by accident, then they stay there on purpose and before you even realise it, things don't seem so hard anymore. Some people we meet, build us up, just so they can tear us down. Be grateful for those, they make you strong, and they can awaken parts you never knew existed. All throughout life, we meet people, and each and every one of them has a purpose. Some hurt us so badly we don't think we'll survive. But that's why we have those who help us dig through the rubble. It doesn't matter if they're as fucked up as you. The only thing that matters is that they are there when you need a shoulder to cry on. Have faith in those people. and most importantly, have faith in yourself.

I think I just need to choose who I want to be, then stick with it, and stand by it for the rest of my journey. Who cares if I fail or succeed. It's really about who I am, who I allow myself to be. No one has the right to tell you who you should be. No person, no illness, no character flaw or physical appearance. Your life is meant to be lived by no one else but you. So just pick something and stick with it. It might be rough and sometimes agonisingly painful, but at least you'll be doing something, at least you'll be living. Remember that each experience is a lesson to be learned. I just wish mistakes weren't so fun to repeat.

I admit, sometimes I let certain people get to me. I allow them to destroy me, and I don't really know why. I would like to blame fate, but I realised it's just something I invent when I need someone or something to blame. If it breaks my heart, I tell myself it wasn't meant to be. I've been searching since I can remember, for someone who walks into the room and knows where I am, without having to look. But it's never going to happen. I can admit that now. I've got lousy luck at finding love - or maybe I just haven't crossed paths with my soulmate yet. It's always easier to be a victim than a failure...