Talk it out, babble on...

Once again, onward, towards my destiny. 

Whatever it may be. 

In the past months I have not been my best. I've allowed myself to become over-confident in my ability to control the universe, and as such, I was quickly put back into my place. Yet this put down felt somehow more personal than those in the past. As if I was being mocked for my endeavours. I think I have learned my lesson, though, albeit anew. I am letting go, because I don't know best, and I'm not omnipotent. I'm just a boy. Still. At the mercy of my circumstance. So eager to push beyond that I have forgotten what it means to be humble. To have grace and understanding. I have been lost. Hopefully soon I shall be found.

I lost myself under the lights...

When I was young, I prayed for lightning

my mother said it would come and find me.

I found myself without a prayer,

I lost my love and no one cared.

Yeah, I looked with my face up to the sky,

but I saw nothing there, 

I stared while my eyes filled up with tears,

I heard one sing from above,

then the signal split in two,

the sound created stars like me and you.

Before there was love, there was silence,

I heard one sing

and it healed my heart.

Let it wash away my sins...

Rain on me tsunami.

We often forget that we are as we are until we're not. We are the same until we're changed. We can move that a bit further by putting into place healthy habits and to show up to our lives in a way that fosters growth, but we can't game timing. Timing is the one thing that we often forget to surrender to. Things are dark until they're not. Most of our unhappiness stems from the belief that our lives should be different than they are. We believe we have control - and our self-loathing and self-hatred comes from this idea that we should be able to change our circumstances, that we should be richer or hotter or better or happier. While self-responsibility is empowering, it can often lead to this resentment and bitterness that none of us need to be holding within us. We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen - and to not feel so directly and vulnerably tied to outcomes. Opportunities often don't show up in the way we think they will. We just have to be ready when they do.