Come on and change my mind...

How often have I lifted my foot to take a peek at what I'm standing on, only to discover that there's nothing there and that I've been confusing falling with standing. And while it's certain that healing brings a better life, it also threatens to permanently alter life as I've known it. My relationships, my position in the world, even my sense of identity may change. Coping patterns that have served me for a lifetime are being called into question. When I made a commitment to get better, I didn't realise I would be risking losing much of what is familiar. Much of what made life so easy. 

Seasons come like seasons go...

Life is like the river: endlessly moving on, ever seeking, exploring, pushing, overflowing its banks, penetrating every crevice with its water. Impermanent, ceaselessly trying to penetrate, to break down any walls, behind which there is confusion and misery. 

I'm still here. The doubt, the fear, the heartbreak, the depression, the anxiety, the insecurity: it didn’t win. The people who hurt me and let me down: they didn’t win. The disappointment and the failure, and the hopes and deferred dreams: they didn’t win either. I'm not really who I wanted to become, but I'm not someone I entirely hate either. I guess what I'm try to say, is that I'm doing my best, with what I've been given. That's all I can really do. Move on, go forward, try to find more meaning, more joy, more love. Hopefully some more laughs, and a deep awareness, that life moves so quickly: I hope I don't miss it.

We'll be frozen in time...