Let darkness fall...

You know how when you were a kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be. You'd lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith. But eventually, you grow up...

One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely. Because almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they'll open their eyes and it will all come true…

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. And it's not so important that it's happy ever after. Just that it's happy right now...

See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, even if for just a moment, people may take your breath away…

Tug of war...

The funny thing about my life is that as soon as something goes really well for me, another thing goes really wrong. I can never just have it all. There's always that something that holds me back, that pushes me down, that doesn't allow me to just enjoy myself and be free…

The good things that happen I welcome with anxiety, but also with a little bit of fear. Because good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, is not always a positive thing. Especially in my case, cause if something goes extremely well then I now that a ticking bomb is going off somewhere else...

But how do you know how much is too much? Too much, too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask. And when is it all just too much to bear?

It's just like staring at the sun...

I want a lot of things. I am an extremly demanding person when it comes to things I believe will make my life better, meaningful, great...

But way to often, the thing I want most is the one thing I can't have. It isn't that hard to accept that something didn't happen because I didn't try hard enough, it even isn't that hard if I perhaps gave it my all and deserved getting what I want, but was wronged and for whatever reason denied my hearts desire. What hurts the most, are the things we can't control. Because at that point sheer aspiration is not enough. All you can do is hope. Hope that one day someone up there gives you a break, and makes your wildest dream come true...

Desire leaves us heartbroken; it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want at all...