Welcome to my silly life...

It's a cold and crazy world outside...

How the fuck did I get here? How in the world did I suddenly become this person? As I search for people to blame, I find myself stumbling upon her. She made me this way, and I hate myself for admitting it. You tricked me, you really did. I don't know how I got here, but this is where I am, this is where I'll stay. Each step I take towards the life I want, the more I realise that alas, I knock, on a door with a lock...

It's funny how you actually think you mean something to someone, then they turn around and prove you wrong. Remember that night, when we just sat there and talked? For that one blissful evening, I felt like I belonged, and now I realise how much I really miss you. So this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. We do the things we used to be against, we befriend the people we used to hate. Maybe this is just how growing up looks like, maybe we'll never know...

Have you ever been struck by the feeling that something is wrong? Nothing in particular, mind you. Nothing that you can quite put your finger on. Just an overwhelming sense that your universe has shifted. It is perhaps a fleeting sensation. One would at least hope. The key, when faced with such circumstances, is not letting it get to your head, not letting it break your heart, and not letting the world see when it does...

Pretty pretty please...

You know that feeling, when you're just waiting? Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either. And I'm tired. Tired of everything and tired of nothing, both in the same breath...

I know I have to be strong for myself, because I walk the road alone. Though I must admit, I'm tired of always being the one who has to fix myself and everyone else. Tired of being strong and for once, I just want it to be easy, for life to be simple, to be helped, to be saved. It won't happen, I made peace with that, but I'm still hoping, still wishing, and I'm still staying strong and fighting. With tears in my eyes, I'm fighting...

This too shall pass. Like everything is passing now and like everything shall pass tomorrow. Time goes by, it doesn't stop for your heart to heal, or for your best friend to come back. It goes on, and so should I. Because sometimes life really does feel like it's caving in on you, sometimes I do feel like I don't want to exist. Just curl up in a ball and go to that place between life and death, where everything is possible...

Loneliness as a situation can be corrected, but as a state of mind it is an incurable illness. Those afflicted by it, those are the people whose heart never mends. It can however, be sown together with the magic of risking everything, for a dream that nobody sees but you...