Chasing the last train...

I hate when people say that you don't know what you have until it's gone. The truth is, we know what we have, we just think we'll never lose it. No ending can be right, because it shouldn't be over at all. The magic isn't supposed to go away. Yet sometimes we are faced with circumstances we can't control and we find ourselves hurting the people we love. Goodbye really is the hardest word, especially when you're forced to say it. I wonder if I'll ever find that spark again, I wonder if we'll ever be the same...

Life isn't like the stories we read - we can't stop when we're bored or go back and relive some parts, we can't jump ahead and we can't switch to a new one. This is my reality now. Not the life I had once dreamt of, not a life my younger self would ever had imagined or desired. But it is the life I'm living with all its complexities, built with care and attention, and it's good, it's great, it's perfect...

The first time I saw you, my heart fell, and I'm pretty sure I never got it back. The second time I saw you, you took my soul. Then everytime since, my entire body ached. When I see you, the world stops spinning, and all that exists for me, is you. There's nothing else. No noise, no people, no thoughts or worries. No yesterday, no tomorrow. The world stops and in that moment it's such a beautiful place because of you, just you...

The world is fucking perfect...

Made a wrong turn,

once or twice.

Mistaken, always second guessing,

it's enough, I've done all I can think of.

The whole world is scared,

so I swallow the fear.

I can't even convince myself,

when I'm speaking

it's the voice of someone else...

Now it's raining more than ever...

I love that sensation, you know the one, when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything seems like it's going to work out. When I'm as hopeless as one can be, and life is going nowhere, I stop and look at the moon. The way it makes me shiver, the way it takes me back to that beach, the way it reminds me of you. It makes me realise that as long as I can feel something, it's not over...

Forgiveness is never simple. Bitterness is easy, hatred is easy, but forgiveness, that's a tough one. Because sometimes we do things we can't take back, we say things we don't mean. Yet despite everything, I know that what I have done, is not who I am and what I have done, is not who I'll be. We travel through this world only once and therefore I cannot defer or neglect my happiness, for I shall never pass this way again...

As the moonlight brings warmth to my soul, as it reflects from my heart, I exhale, and for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, I am completely at peace. However fleeting this moment might be, it is enough to make me believe again. Perhaps this is all I'll ever get, perhaps this is all I'll ever need. Either way, I am ready. Ready for anything, ready for everything...