I want to see you be brave...

He envisions a life for himself that seems real and within reach - how he loves and is loved in return. How he goes out everyday to make a living, just like his parents, and then when he himself becomes one, he sacrifices the life he wanted, for the life his offspring deserve. It is a life he has seen unfold before his eyes. The joy, the happiness, and even the darker sides. Resentment, pain, regret. The choice itself has been made easier for him, because he is not excepted, and in this moment in time, not even allowed to lead a common life, even if leading one might be everything he ever wanted. And while he still navigates the misty road of the future, he is somewhat soothed by the notion, that even despite of everything, he may very well not be as alone as he thought.

The best thing for being sad, I learned as I puffed and blew through my recent unravelling, is to learn something, anything at all. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then - to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Just look at how every corner is different and what a lot of things there are to learn.

Bow down to the mighty...

You can be amazing,

you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug.

You can be the outcast

or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love.

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do,

when they settle 'neath your skin,

kept on the inside and no sunlight

sometimes a shadow wins.

But I wonder what would happen if you

say what you wanna say.

and let the words fall out?

Honestly I wanna see you be brave.

Sometimes shadows win...

As an adult it is hard to navigate under the constant pressure of meeting expectations. Our choices matter and they shape us as individuals - how others see us and more importantly, how we see ourselves. As children we could make mistakes and brush them off as easily as dirt on our shoes, but now, as I am bombarded from every corner, I realise that grace and serenity are my best guidelines. I don't wish to be known as impulsive or unreliable. I want to be perceived as someone who is trustworthy, someone who knows when to stand up for what is right, and when to bow down when the fight has clearly been lost. I am growing up, for sure, and while the future can't come fast enough, I try to find solace in the fact that I have never before been surrounded with so much love and friendship. Both of which outweigh those that would bring me down, those that cannot see how life is simply never life at all.