Just can't get enough...

You know that place, between sleep and awake? The place where you can still remember you're dreaming? That's where I'll be waiting for you, that's where our love will never die...

Here's a toast - to the good days, the best friends I had, the ones I thought I couldn't live without. Here's to love that was never mine to have. Here's to the people who taught me how to live, who taught me how to be myself. Here's to the people who caught me when I fell. I know the words I spill today will go unheard. I know nothing can bring them back, because somewhere along the way, we decided that the good times we have together, aren't worth the bad times we go through. We came to a crossroad, I've chosen my path, and you've taken the other. Maybe they will cross again one day, but until then, I'm walking away, and trying as hell, not to look back...

I'm afraid. Afraid that I won't ever feel the same way about anyone. Afraid that I have lost that something to believe in. It wasn't suppose to end like this. You were suppose to try harder, I was so sure you'd try harder. I have to stop thinking about it, I don't ever want to feel like this again - like I could sleep for a thousand years. I just want it all to stop spinning. For me, there's no reason left to try, look at where we are, look at where you've pushed us. There's really nothing worse than caring for someone who will never stop disappointing you...

My story is nothing special really - of that I am sure. It has no beginning, I don't know the end. So what you're reading is everything else, everything in between. I'm not saying it's pretty, I'm not saying it's perfect, but it is the truth. For so long I've been terrified of it, terrified of what it would do to me. Yet as the days pass by, I find that the truth is the only thing keeping me alive, keeping me what I'll always remain - stuck together, torn apart...

I'm wrong in all the right ways...

Isn't it absolutely wonderful, how something as simple as a smile from your crush, can make your day so much more beautiful? How something as trivial as twilight can make you remember how life still has meaning, still has magic. How a song can give you hope and how a single moment can give you the strength to accept the things you cannot change. I will never be anything but loud, in the most quiet way possible, and even if I fall, I know I'll get up - She raised me to get up. I'll be damned before I disappoint Her. Who cares what I've done or could have done, what I should have done or what I might have done. The only thing that matters is what I'll do from now on...

The great thing about not knowing where I want to go, is that any road will take me there. I don't need a compas, I don't need a map. All I need is my heart and the courage to listen to it. I've been so caught up in what I need to do that I forgot what I want to do. We complicate life, but really, it's so simple, so straight forward. The secret is in allowing yourself to be happy and in forgiving yourself for not being perfect...

If there's just one piece of advice I can give you, it's this - when there's something you really want, when there's someone you really love, fight for it, fight for them. Don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you think you've lost all faith, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you'll wish you had given it another go, just one more shot. Because remember, the best things in life, never come without a price...

Give my gun away when it's loaded...

I'm trapped. In this mystical place between my future and my past, and I'm not sure which one I want more. I keep telling myself it's only natural - to dream of a summer love from long ago, or nights I spent with friends I used to know. These people, every single one of them, changed me, made me better, but they have long since disappeared. Part of me wants them back. God how I hate to admit it. That's the funny part. Like admitting I miss people or things or times long ago made me weak. I realise now, it doesn't. So I curl up by my window and stare off into the stars, dreaming of my future and the love and friends I have yet to meet, while never forgetting where I came from and who stood by my side...

I've decided to let go of the wheel - let it go completely. Maybe I'll finally end up right where I belong. What scares me most, is the fact that I'm not afraid anymore. Being numb is the worst feeling in the world - I need to let go, there's nothing else to do. Even if I fall, which seems inevitable at this point, it's still better than being here, than holding on to this life, to this lie. All my life I've searched for something, for anything to make me whole. Now after all these years, I've gained the courage to gaze inward, and as a single flash of lightning, ripping through the sky, the truth dawned upon me - I was never really broken...

I believe we write our own stories, we pave our own road. And as I try to pick up the pen of my life, I shiver. Nothing was ever so clear, than the realisation that I don't know what to write, that I don't know how I want my story to unfold. It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up, when you know, it's everything you ever wanted...