The central core of me is dark and churning, I can only sense it vaguely. It scares me with its power. I realise that this experience is partly neurological. My sensory abilities are all hyper-aroused on the surface, and my nervous system melts down when it becomes overwhelmed in everyday places. But my ability to know what is going on within is flawed. Instead of an accurate information readout, there is a big, dark, unknowable mass within. I am sailing blind without a map or a lighthouse within my own skin. It feels a very daunting place to have a life sentence. This is why I write: to attempt to find words for what this big scariness is, to try and find images to give form and name to the wild churning expanse.
