They left me breathless...

Že spet jadram v ekstrem,

da spoznam, tist kar že vem.

Here's to new beginnings. Here's to not being afraid. Here's to moving on from the people that let go of me, and here's to those whom I never really gave a chance. Here's to you. I'll always hold a special place in my heart for our story that ended too abruptly and without proper cause. Here's to Her, for guiding me even after she left this world. Here's to us - the children of this lost generation, searching for the intangible and the imaginary. Here's to everyone who comes here and reads the stories of a boy who lives to write them. Here's to me. Here's to my journey, my tale, and my desire to change. Here's to the pain, the agony, the feeling of defeat and helplessness, without all those emotions, I'd never know what it means to survive, to endure beyond my limits, and to grow into my higher self. Here's to being stuck together, yet forever torn apart. Here's to everything I ever let slip through my fingers, and here's to everyone that got away. Here's to our happy-ever-after, which for all we know, might be just a teardrop away.

Bless my soul, I've got my head in the clouds...

I'll find my corner...

Maybe one day we'll understand...

I don't' fall in love with people.

I fall in love with their stories.

It's happening again, and it's hitting me harder than I can even admit to myself. It's kind of funny actually. You'd think that a heart that's been broken so many times would have trouble finding new obsessions, yet as it turns out, I'm in love with falling in love, and I'm not scared to say that I've fallen for you. Even though I realise there are far too many obstacles in our way, I'm content with it being just a fantasy - one of those stories I'll replay a thousand fold in my head, contriving scenarios where our souls have a chance of intertwining and creating something beyond our comprehension. I've think we've met before, and more so, I think we once shared a life. You see me unlike anyone other, and you hear what I tell you when there are no words being spoken. I am in owe of you, and I am in owe of myself for being brave enough to chase that which cannot be caught. 

As summer turns into fall, it is clearly evident that once again, things are about to change. The life we were accustomed to is long gone, and the future is coming with full speed. While I'd lie if I'd say that I've completely let go of the past, I can surely say that I've accepted it - the great climb, the view from the top, and the tumble on the way down. Yet strangely enough, as I contemplate my next move, still lying underneath the rubble of what could have been, I am so sure that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. For the first time since I can remember, the road I'm walking, with all its pitfalls and traps, seems utterly the right place for me to search for my greater self. I will find happiness, I will find my true love, and I will ascend towards my wildest dreams. I may need a break once in a while, and I'll be sure to come here and wallow in selfpity - with over dramatic statements and over the top confessions. But the beauty of my existence, the perfection of this world, is that here I'm allowed to be exactly who I am, because there's no one judging me, yet everyone understands.

Accidentally in love...

If I could only find a note to make you understand,

I'd sing it softly in your ear and grab your hands,

just keep it stuck inside your head like your favourite tune,

my heart's a stereo that only plays for you.

Nothing compares, no worries or cares...

I realise I keep preaching that I'll never give up, and despite all the obstacles in my way, I shall endure, but there are days, days like this one, when I lay in bed, as the sun rises from slumber, and I am overwhelmed by this weightless yet unimaginably heavy feeling of failure. My dreams are so far away, metaphorically and literally. I would have to travel half way around the world and I'd still be miles away. I keep trying to find ways to breakaway - I conjure circumstances in my head that would propel me with the speed of light towards the celestial gates of my wildest fantasises, but as we've come to learn, life solemnly turns out the way we picture it in our heads. My story was supposed to unfold differently. I was not supposed to have my heart broken, and I was not supposed to disappoint the person I vowed I never would. I was supposed to be more, be better, taller, stronger, and we were supposed to last forever. That's the way I had it planned, that's the way I wanted my journey to unravel, and so now as I stand before the ruins of this path barely overcome, I am left haunted by regret and stalked by the possibility of what could have been. Who would have ever foretold, that in the time his heart took a beat, the boy who had it all, lost it all. What is left is this thing he created, and what you're reading now, is his unwavering resolve to claw his way back.

You're my wrecking ball...

I'll let it pass,

I'll hold my tongue,

and you will think

that I've moved on.

Ashes on the ground...

The reason for his downfall has been clearly evident right from the start of this journey. He does not live his life like most, like he'd want to, like he knows he'd deserve. He does not strive for happiness or success. He does not abide by values that would cement him as a good person, nor does he hope to one day achieve an existence without burdens for others. In his core, he is simple, straightforward and as normal as one could imagine. He is a chaser of dreams, of moments captured in time, of breaths inhaled, and those taken away. He gathers these experiences and he fabricates them into words - ones that usually hold no significance. Yet these very words, these very fragile pieces of ink nourish him as profoundly as the air that fills his lungs. Without them, he is but skin and bones, propelled by a heart long disintegrated. Now the question remains; can he survive on words alone? On moments etched into sequences of events, flickering with flashes of life? Can he endure by himself what's meant to be fought by thousands? Can he transcend and truly make Her proud? Perhaps the answers are closer than he'd ever care to admit.

I jumped, never asking why...

We will always feel the same...

I'd like to embrace the fact that I'm one of those people who believe in soulmates, but even I am sometimes not sure. A part of me wants to accept that there is a person out there in the world that was made exactly for me, and that these person's hands fit perfectly into mine and that when our lips touch, the entire world shakes under our feet. I'd like to think you exist, somewhere, anywhere, and that all I need is time to find you, and the wisdom to know when I've mistaken you for someone else. Yet the other half of me understands that even if there was such a thing as twin hearts just waiting to be reunited, they wouldn't be the ones we end up with. They would be fragile and broken from the lessons life had to teach, and the journey they had to walk to find each other. They would be shooting stars of love, never quite real yet always present. Soulmates are for dreamers, and I think I saw you in my sleep.

Of course it was a disaster. One of unparalleled magnitude and suffrage. That damn, dearest secret has always, without pause, taken a heavy toll - the danger when we try to leave the life we have, to pursue the life we are certain we deserve. Then, once we're already on our way, we go through over and over again, what we should have done, instead of what we did, and how much sooner we should have acted in the first place. Yet for that brief moment frozen in time, it felt as if we were truly alive. That we could have moved canyons and broke through the clouds and touched the stars. We were misled, misused, lied to and cheated, that is for sure. Still, for a little while, we visited our possible lives, our possible existence outside these barriers the universe has created for us, outside the shackles of the living and above the barriers of those who have forgotten how to dream. For a short instant, we were free.

My dragon to slay...

Some saw the sun,

some saw the smoke,

some heard the gun,

some bent the bow.

Sometimes the wire must tense for the note,

caught in the fire,

we're about to explode.

Now we seem a world away...

And so as another chapter of my story ends, I am left contemplating the ramifications of recent developments. Perhaps I needed to meet someone like you. Someone to remind me that there is so much more to life than living, and that there are souls even more lost than mine. I don't feel sad or angry, I'm just wondering why our destinies unravelled so utterly without warning and clear meaning. Perhaps if we found each other in a different time, in another world, things could have worked out. I think I could have loved you, or least enjoyed falling in love with you. But alas the universe decided it was not meant to be, and I find myself, once again, alone in my bed with my thoughts keeping me company and the stars taunting me to chase my dreams. My gut tells me we shall meet again, and maybe then we'll both have changed just enough to give this another go. I hate saying goodbye, because it seems so final, so detrimental to everything I stand for, yet I cannot phantom any other words. So here it is, my farewell and my promise that I'll think of you fondly - I'll think of you a lot.

Walking on broken glass...

One, twenty one guns...

It matters not if you read this, nor is it important that you ever truly understand how he felt when your souls were torn asunder. Reciprocation holds no meaning, and even though his mind has broken the spirit of his faith, his determination stands firm. It is imperative that he's once again alone. Only then can he truly let go and embark upon the journey of infinite miles and struggle. The decision has been made, and while more hearts might be broken than ever before, he knows that this is something that must be done. The path ahead is one of solitude, one of steadfast resolve and overwhelming encumbrance. Yet this is the road he chose and this is the march he shall continue until his knees are too weak to hold his body - then right before he collapses, he will find a small shard of strength still left, and carry on. Know, that he shall chase his dreams until he is out of breath - then he'll keep running, and that all of this, every word he writes, every song he listens to, every wish he makes upon a star, is because of you, and only you.

Searching for a place to hide...

Light up the skies, ignore the stars...

Welcome to my little corner of the world.

I am brash, and I am loud, and I have made so many mistakes that I dare not count. I am impatient, anxious, and always striving to have more, to be more. I can hold a grudge and my decisions rarely make any rational sense. I am the antithesis of all that is simple and straightforward, even though I try every damn day, to be as normal as possible. Yet despite all these things, I shall make you smile. I will open up a world to you that you'd otherwise never know. I will push you to your limits, and cheer you on as you reach your wildest dreams. I shall be you favourite kiss good morning and your hardest goodbye. I will think of you everyday exactly as I thought of you when you were my world. I shall remember the moments we shared and the fights we had, and the promises we broke. I will take these lessons and I will move on to different things. I shall meet new people and I'll inspire them the way you inspired me. Then one day, when our eyes shall meet again, the electrical surge through our bodies will be so powerful the entire earth will tremble. Here you will find me time and time again, repeating the words that have been uttered countless times before, yet each and every instance more profound than the last. You will find me here - stuck together, yet forever torn apart.