It's never simple, never easy...

Vse kar ti ostane, je občutek, ki ne zgine.

All that we ever were...

I'm here again. Staring forward, knowing that after the next two weeks, I'm going to change once more. I gaze towards the pinnacle of the journey I have embarked upon, and I realise I shall be tested unlike ever before, and I'll finally get to witness my transformation first hand. Have I changed enough? Have I grown enough? Questions I'm afraid to ask, will get answered nonetheless. I have faith, I really do, but I can't shake my old habits. Perhaps for the first time, there won't be any rain, any thunder, but then again, where's the fun in that? It is going to be everything I've never imagined, and maybe even everything I've ever dreamt of. Either way, the ride itself will be one for the books. And while I rarely speak frankly, know that the next two weeks are as mine as they are yours. Together we might just make it.

Ghost town and haunted love...

You cut me down, 

but it's you who has further to fall.

You shout it loud,

but I can't hear a word you say.

Because I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose,

fire away, fire away.

Ricochet, take your aim,

fire away, fire away.

Shoot me down, but I won't fall,

I am titanium.

The plans I made for two...

So many thoughts spent on you. So much effort wasted trying to get you to notice me. Where have the times gone? Where are the dreams we once dreamt? It's hard to remember the people we used to be, and it's even harder to picture that you're not holding my hand anymore. You say it's too late to make it, but is it too late to try? Have all our bridges really burned down? I threw away my nights, you've turned out the lights, and then you left me paralyzed. You left me stuck in that time, when we called it love, but now I know that even in paradise the sun must set. You turned your back on tomorrow, and you forgot yesterday. Now perhaps it's my turn to finally walk away.

If happy ever after does exist, then one day I'll be holding you, and we'll be together. Perhaps not forever, but in that moment there shall be no greater love, no greater story. If happy ever after does exist, than this is not goodbye, it is farewell till we meet again. If happy ever after does exist, than this is the end of our second chapter, while the third is waiting to be written. Do I dare pick up the pen again?

Dream more, be more...

They were together, and that was enough. A friendship formed through uneasy times, and evolved through the hardship of growing up. Since they first met, they both changed enough to be able to hold each other's hand today. They might still fight, they might still go different ways, but that ... that is for the future to figure out. The present is too busy being lived to notice. 

When you take things into your own hands, there is no more regret or feelings of despair. Because you did everything you could, you did everything one would have thought of. If it leads you down the path you planned, it means you're a good architect, if you land on your face, it just means you need to twink how you walk, not that you shouldn't move forward at all. I will always want more. Nothing will ever be enough. And that's ok. It's ok, because it's who I am and I can honestly say that who I am, is worth people's time, people's love. I deserve it, and so do you. Mark my words, you do. So when the moment comes, when we feel like reverting to old patterens, I will be there for you, and you'll be there for me. Because you and me, and all of you, are infinite. As long as the river flows, so do we, and as long as we breathe, the river rushes downstream.

A zombie coming back to life...

Rad bi živel svoje sanje, življenje hitro mine,

vse kar ti ostane, je občutek, ki ne zgine.

There is very little I can say right now, because somehow against everything I've ever told myself, things seem like they are going to work out. I'd hate to jinx it, but I can't remember the last time I've gazed upon the road ahead and felt such an immense sense of ... confidence. I was so busy building the person I want to become, that I forgot to take a step back and examine the person I've already grown into. I may write more about the bad, but there is also the good, the great, the amazing. And I think I can honestly say that there's more of the positive than the negative, way more. But as you know, if anything, I cannot live without excitement, without drama, and the next two months are going to be one hell of a play. Heck, perhaps one day, you'll even get to see it.

Someday it will all turn out...

From samaritan to sin...

It's all your fault,

because you called me beautiful.

So now I hold my breath,

because you were perfect,

but now I'm running out of air,

and it's not fair.

My thirteen senses tell me to stop,

so I turn to meet the power,

and put my hands into the fire.

Broken and scared and I don't even mind...

I hate when I'm given things, just so they can be taken away, and even more, I hate that I'm still waiting for my happy ending. You know the one that sets us free. I've brushed its surface many times, at certain points almost claiming it as my own, but it always seems to escape my grasp. Have I ever told you how it all came to be broken? How I once gazed at the moon and saw the sun? How I once walked into the ocean and ended up on top of an iceberg? It has been so long since I've been whole that I'm starting to think that I was born torn apart. I guess sometimes men come into this world with open wounds. Maybe some of us are meant to remain shattered for the universe to make sense. My flawed design has never been so evident.

At first he thought it was a dream, and that he'll soon awake from his slumber and once again look upon the life he never got to live. But time passed by, and he was still wandering the misty fields. They were void of anything but haze and whispers of voices he once knew, he once loved. They taunted him with memories of his mistakes and with images of regrets. He was walking towards the light, it seemed so close, so within his reach, but he's been running towards it for an eternity, and still he is so far away he cannot even imagine it. The voices become screams, and he becomes a shadow of his former self. The light grows darker with every passing moment.

A liar looking for forgiveness from a stone...

It should have been paradise. It should have been everything I've ever dreamt of, hoped and wished for. It did not take my breath away, and it wasn't worth fighting for. The pain did not outweigh the pride, and my heart still lies broken inside. I lay down my arms, I give up the fight, I throw my arms into the sky, and I realise I'm at the end of the fight. My faith walks on broken glass, and I wonder if anything is built to last. I stood too close to the fire, I played the game too much. So when it's time to live and let die, I can't expect another try. My thoughts have taken their toll, so I slowly lose control. I feel myself suffocating, and as I lay down to sleep, my mind breaks the spirit of my dreams.

Checkmate

Looking for the drug that heals...

Talk about an impossible choice. I knew it was coming, I knew all along. I just never realised how hard it would actually be. I understand what must be done, and what I cannot afford to lose, yet that doesn't make this any easier. For the first time, since I started this journey, I feel as if there is no right path. I'm going to disappoint someone either way. I just have to figure out which struck of the brush most interestingly paints the masterpiece I want this story to become. The final touches are always the most complicated, and the most important. I can't screw up now, I have to keep focus. I have to push on.

There will be a time when I look back to these moments and I'll rememeber how I felt when I saw her for the first time, when I saw him. I'll reminisce about the times we spent laughing and living like we were the only ones in the entire fucking universe. I shall not forget, that I promise. And as I lick my wounds and prepare myself for the final stretch, I notice I'm not afraid anymore. I'm calm, I'm sure. The truth is, I've known from the beginning how this story should end. I'm just afraid I've run out of luck, and that the finish line won't be as smooth as I wish it would be. Perhaps I won't even reach it. Perhaps the future is not mine to live. Tell me, can you move on, if you don't let go?

Everybody wants, everybody needs...

Go ahead, the gun is loaded,

and the bullets are for free.

Dance like it's the last night of your life...

I feel like a zombie, because I'm coming back to life. I remember those eyes and how they struck me down, how they made me feel like dawn shall never come. Yet now I find myself wondering if what I witnessed wasn't my downfall, but my rebirth. Tonight is just for me. No one else holds any sway over me anymore, and I've never felt so calm, so free. Can you feel it in the air? In the wind? Something shifted, something drastic. I did not intend it or plan it, so it comes as a welcome surprise. Tonight we forget the evil inflicted upon us, and forgive the suffering we brought upon ourselves. I shall burn the past down to the ground, with an overwhelming sense of pride for what I've overcome. Tonight is the last night of the life I led, of that I know, but I dare not say what tomorrow might bring.

My flawed design...

And I will turn off,

and I will shut down,

burying the voices 

of my conscience hitting ground.

The chemicals are restless in my head.

I lie not because I want to,

but because I seem to need to all the time.

How can you say those things,

why can't you just believe?

I can only imagine what it would be like...

As she withdrew the knife from his back, still dripping from blood, he finally realised that the betrayer has finally become the betrayed. He fell to the ground and the whole world trembled. He wanted to turn around, to get one last look of the person holding the steel weapon, and as he mustered the strength to gaze over his shoulder, she was already gone. He wondered if perhaps she was never really there to begin with. But then, where did his wounds come from, and more importantly, who inflicted them? 

I think congratulations are in order. You are by far my biggest disappointment and I guess you were right all along. I hate that I care this much, and that you were able to catch me by surprise. You were supposed to be the one person I could really count on through all of this. You were supposed to be the one who would understand unlike anyone else. And the fucked up thing is that until now I believed you were. It just goes to show how much I still have to learn about people. That's what I'll take from this - a lesson. I guess I should be thanking you, and maybe one day I will, but tonight I shall mourn the friendship lost, and the opportunity for forever, destroyed. 

Blow me one last kiss...

As I brace myself for round two, I can't help but notice the similarities between the road already overcome and the one that lies before me. I've delt with these problems, these miniscule bumps in the road that make everyday life seem so difficult, so real. I hate that I still allow the little things to get to me, to shift my serenity, because if anything, the bigger picture always, without question, takes little notice of them. There is much I still need to do, and there are many things still floating in the air. But somehow, I'm not afraid anymore, I'm not anxious for the future to arrive. It will come when it's ready, and it shall test me when it feels like I have something to learn. So everything bad that might happen today, and everything bad that might happen tomorrow, is but a knock on the barrier which surrounds me. I wonder though, how strong it is, and how long it will last.