You can keep it forever...

No, I don't wanna leave,

but I must keep moving ahead,

because my life belongs to the other side,

behind the great ocean's waves.

Bye bye, childhood hills,

I'm gonna miss you, wherever I go.

I'm gonna come back to walk these streets again,

bye bye, childhood hills forever.

Make me a king...

Change is not always a good thing. What I need is not novelty from one thing to another, but transformation from who I am into who I was meant to become. Only when fate's transforming power touches me can I begin to live the simpler, freer, fresher, more creative, more patient, more passionate, more sacrificial, riskier, rawer, more real, more love-driven life the universe intended for me all along. Because even though I have not always chosen the safest path, I really try to learn from my mistakes. I still sometimes jump too soon and fail to appreciate the consequences. But I've learned something important along the way: I've learned to heed the call of my heart. I've learned that the safest path is not always the best path and I've learned that the voice of fear is not always to be trusted.

Doing it all for love...

 

Watch me bring the fire...

There is a special essence about someone who is about to change your life, fated by the stars, like the universe planned it all along. Yet somehow these connections aren't always designed to stay, like a shooting star - magical yet fleeting. And then occasionally you will stumble upon people that will create moments of unutterable fulfilment which cannot be completely explained by these symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart. So as I remembered some of these instances, like that day in his yard, leaping and catching the branch of the trees, I noticed however, that the emotions I am experiencing now, are something different still. They are not a wind, not even a high, exactly, but an elevation. A sense that I had gone beyond myself and could go farther still.

Just to feel the high...

Everyone talks about letting go like it's the easiest thing. 

Uncurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open. 

But his hand has been clenched into a fist for almost 4 years now; 

it's frozen shut.

But I was naive and didn't know better and someone should have told me to capture every second and every kiss and every night, because now I'm sitting here in an office I have come to despise and it's getting really hard to breath because tears are growing in my throat and they want to break out, but there are people watching and I just want to be somewhere silent somewhere still. But still I don't want to be alone because I'm scared and lonely and I don't understand, because I was alone my whole life, my whole life I was so damn lonely and I was content with that because I liked myself and my own company and I didn't need anyone, I thought. But then I met you and everything changed. So, someone should have told me that love is for those few brave who can handle the unbearable emptiness, the unbearable guilt and lack of oneself, because I lost myself to someone I love and I might get myself back one day but it will take time, a lot of time. I wish someone would have prepared me for this. Someone should have told me the truth.

Like a tidal wave...

Who owns my heart;

is it love or is it art?

And I can't tell if it's the beat or sparks;

is it love or is it art?

You know I wanna believe that we're a masterpiece,

but sometimes it's hard to tell in the dark;

who owns my heart?

Sipping on my last glass of wine...

Hold on, hold tight...

Breathe deep, take sight...

He has been finding treasures in places he did not want to search. He has been hearing wisdom from tongues he did not want to listen to. He has been finding beauty where he did not want to look. And he has learned so much from journeys he did not want to take. Forgive him, please. If you have it in your heart; for he has been closing his ears and eyes for too long. He has learned that miracles are only called miracles because they are often witnessed by only those who can can see through all of life's illusions. He is ready now, though. Ready to see what really exists on the other side, what exists behind the blinds, and taste all the ugly fruit instead of all that looks right, plump and ripe.

Jump up to the top...

My whole life has been spent walking by the side of a bottomless chasm, jumping from stone to stone. Sometimes I try to leave my narrow path and join the swirling mainstream of life, but I always find myself drawn inexorably back towards the chasm's edge, and there I shall walk until the day I finally fall into the abyss, because it finally dawned upon me that in order to change, I need to stop fearing the change but instead fear the results of not trying to change. What happens if I don't jump? What happens if I stay where I am right now? Isn't the greatest risk, the risk of doing nothing? Exist or risk. Dream or do. Fear not changing, and you will change your life.

A tear may be ever so near...

Smile though your heart is aching

smile even though it's breaking.

When there are clouds in the sky,

you'll get by if you smile.

Through your fear and sorrow

smile and maybe tomorrow,

you'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Time will heal his world...

The road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the road has gone, and I must follow, if I can, pursuing it with eager feet, until it joins some larger way where many paths and errands meet. And whither then? I cannot say.

There was rarely an obvious branching point in a person's life. People changed slowly, over time. You didn't take one step, then find yourself in a completely new location. You first took a little step off the path to avoid some rocks. For a while, you walked alongside the path, but then you wandered out a little way to step on softer soil, where the air felt lighter and there was a soft breeze caressing your cheeks. Then you stopped paying attention as you drifted farther and farther away, stumbling upon concrete and unfriendly faces waiting to pounce as you faltered. Finally, you found yourself in the wrong city, wondering why the signs on the roadway hadn't led you better.

My hands tied up in ropes...

 

I had a vision...

My heart is at odds with itself. Who I was and who I'm becoming are in too great a conflict to do anything but destroy each other. Even still, I run. I have not reached what feels like a third of my life without knowing that you run through it, and it hurts and you run through it some more, and if it hurts worse, you run through it even more, and when you finish, you will have broken through. In the end, when you are done, and stretching, and your heartbeat slows, and your sweat dries, if you've run through the hard part, you will remember no pain. There will be a sparkle in your eyes and you will know victory. In the end you shall not regret a single thing.

Set the night alight...

Take the world, blow it up...

Hollowness: this I understand, and I have found that there isn't anything you can do to fix it. That's what I've taken from our talks during these past few days: the holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mold yourself through the gaps.

Another page turns on the calendar. September now, not August anymore. I am spinning the silk threads of my story, weaving the fabric of my world. I spun out of control. Getting up in the morning was hard. Going to work was harder. Putting a smile on my face was hardest. I wanted to swallow the bitter seeds of forgetfulness, yet somehow, I dragged myself out of the dark and did literally the bare minimum to feel alive again. I spin and weave and knit my words and visions until a life starts to take shape. There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an unexpected jolt of motivation, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore. I am thawing.