Stars in my eyes, painting the skies...

As I read aloud all the past entries that happened to fall on the day of my birth, I find that despite what it may seem or feel, I have come so far. I have fallen and risen more times than I can count, yet each time I was able to reshape myself into something greater, even if it was only visible to me. My journey has not been in vain, and though I grow older, with my chances of reaching the stars all but dwindling away, I my in owe how I can find solace in the thoughts I conjure and the words I write down. I will survive, I will thrive and I will reach beyond my means, because falling short has never stopped me before, and if nothing else, I shall be remembered as the boy who never stopped trying. Who never stopped climbing. Who never gave up. And that ... that's quite all right with me.

The clouds block out the sun...

You've been on this road too long,

hearing music but it's not your song.

want to scream but your voice is gone.

Days trapped inside your head,

can't look up cause your world is down.

Walking miles staring at the ground,

all alone inside the crowd,

letting pockets hold your hand,

but the sun is always there to shine.

Guns in my head...

I thought that if I owned nothing, had nothing, was nothing, I would have nothing left to lose, and I wouldn't be scared anymore. Because my whole life I’ve been so damn scared. Scared to live because I was scared to die. Or maybe so scared of dying that I refused to live. I made the simple conclusion, that you don't have to be afraid to fall, when you're already on the ground, that you don't have to be scared to lose someone, when there's no one around to lose. I convinced myself that some of us are born out of our due place. Accidents have cast us amid certain surroundings, but we have a longing for a home we do not know. So we wander on the leafy lanes we have known from childhood or the populous streets in which we have played, never forgetting that everything around us is fleeting - but a place of passage - something to overcome, then immediately forget.

He brings me up, he brings me down...

I want something just like this...

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That laughter is the only cure for grief, that love is stronger than death. And I believe that hope always triumphs over experience, so the very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof. Making sure it doesn't grasp from your fingers and that when darkness falls upon your world, you have something to hold onto. Something that will be by your side no matter what. Something that will make you feel less alone. Something that will set you free.

Ever as before...

All day, all night...

We have all heard that no two snowflakes are alike. Each takes the perfect shape in order to survive the hardship of falling from the sky. And while the universal force of gravity gives them a shared destination, the expansive space in the air gives each snowflake the opportunity to take its own path. And along this gravity-driven quest, some snowflakes collide and damage each other, some collide and join together, some are influenced by wind ... there are so many transitions and changes that take place along the way, but no matter what the transition, the snowflake always finds itself perfectly shaped for the journey ahead. 

I find parallels in nature to be a beautiful reflection of our grand orchestration. Because we, too, are all headed in the same direction. We are being driven by a universal force to the same destination. We are all individuals taking different journeys and along our journey, we sometimes bump into each other, we cross paths, we become altered ... we take different physical forms. But at all times we too are perfectly imperfect. At every given moment we are absolutely ready and capable for whatever might be required of us, because otherwise we wouldn't be presented with it. We’re heading to the same place, we’re taking different routes, but we’re all exactly like snowflakes - perfect just the way we are.

Beauty and the beast...

I wish I found some better sounds no one's ever heard.

I wish I had a better voice that sang some better words.

I wish I found some chords in an order that is new.

I wish I didn't have to rhyme every time I sang.

We used to play pretend, 

give each other different names,

we would build a rocket ship,

and then we'd fly it far away.

Used to dream of outer space,

but now they're laughing in our face.

His name is blurry-face...

I have learned that most of the time, it is the slightest thing, the gentle breeze that changes the direction of my life most severely. The merest breath of circumstance, a random moment that connects like a meteorite striking the earth, laying waste to everything I thought was important and shinning a light on all that which really is. I find myself grasping at straws as I navigate my recent attempts at self-sabotage. Demons that have gorged on my mind and soul only a few months back, have somehow disappeared. I don't hear their whispers anymore, and I suddenly find myself with my own thoughts, which are neither twisted or sad, lonely or angry, tormented or fleeting. They are simply ... at peace.

The creek we used to roam...

Good old fashioned lover boy...

While writing the latest page in his book of life, he realised that he can finally be at peace with loving his solitude and trying to sing out with the pain it causes. He is happy about his growth, in which of course he can't take anyone with him, so he is gentle with those who stay behind; he is confident and calm in front of them and doesn't torment them with his doubts and doesn't frighten them with his faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. He seeks out some simple and true feeling of what he has in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when he himself changes again and again. When he sees them, he loves life in a form that is not his own and he is indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the lonesomeness that he trusts. He does not expect any understanding, but believes in a love that is being stored up for him like an inheritance, and has faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that he can travel as far as he wishes without having to step outside it. A love unlike any before. 

Lets play pretend...

As I have no other choice but to hurdle myself towards the universe, I ponder if is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another? I myself have been guilty of investing enormous time and energy and serious efforts to know someone, but in the end, how close can we come to that person's essence? Because even as a young man, I quickly realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves, and can therefore never be known or understood by another.

His advice is quite simple - be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, and try to break everything you see. Instead try to adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friends, and you shall go far.

Sounds no one has ever heard...

My goosebumps start to race...

Heroes aren't more special or more courageous than us, because after all they're only human. They hurt, they break, they bleed. They succumb to the pressures of being alive, and no amount of heroism prevents them from feeling afraid, like they won't be able to make it, and then against all odds, even the best of them can come crumbling down and fail. But sometimes, every once in a while, usually when it matters most, they get it right and that changes everything. So you see, the hero is only human, but that's the point - if they can do it, so can we. So ... we keep going. We don't give up, we stand tall, we fight, and we show up to save the day.

Holes in his sweater...

All I am is a man

and I want the world in my hands.

Let's have an adventure,

head in the clouds but my gravity's centred.

The land of make belief...