I tried to hide, but something broke...

I'm still alive and tomorrow has infinite potential. I'm still under the impression that somehow my luck is suddenly going to change, even though I don't have any indication of it. And more so, does it even need to change? Or have I in fact already been living the luckiest possible outcomes of my fate? If I can change the world, the world will change. Potential. In the past I dreaded that word. Almost resented it. Now I repeat it as I go to sleep. So much hope, so many dreams, and so much potential. I can't wait to see how it all turns out.

At the end of the line...

The best you can do is forgive...

He keeps imagining the worst possible outcomes, so he's ready if they ever come. But what if the things life has in store, he can't even begin to phantom? He keeps asking questions of the universe, but it has gone silent. Does that mean he's been abandoned or is being taught to rely more on himself? To see luck, where he previously saw failure? To uncover courage where fear thrives, and nurture understanding even where chaos consumes all?

If anything, this year has been about letting go. Letting go of my ego. Of the notion that nothing bad can ever happen to me, and that I am somehow exempt from the trials of life. Letting go of my belief that my willpower alone is enough to control the outcomes of my endeavors. Letting go of my need to resolve things, to get answers where there are none, to be seen as the mediator, as the savior. Bad, terrible things are going to keep happening, and I need to build myself up in order to withstand them. To be a reliable partner, brother and son. This year I have been tested and failed at almost every turn. Tried and stumbled, took the wrong path, cried when I should have been strong and pointed fingers, when I should have given grace. So many things I could have done differently, so many things I now have the opportunity to change.