The universe holds me tight, then lets me go...

I think I have to make a clear cut. Or at least pretend I'm making one. Go off on a new journey. Force myself to see myself in a lighter way. Allow myself to say no. To be disliked. To walk away and not feel the need to explain or get an explanation. I am at the heart of what is supposedly my life, and I am squandering it away. Fuck my childhood traumas. I will grow past them and I will be at peace with my decisions. It has always been as simple as that, but making it hard was always my way of avoiding pain. If I want to change my trajectory, I have to change what I am doing and force myself to choose. So, life doesn't choose for me. Because somewhere in that crazy mind of mine, time stopped. I thought someone would rescue me, but they didn't. This is not a fire I can put out; I have to walk through it. Getting burned is half the fun of life, didn't you know?