We'll be larger than life...

Chest to chest, nose to nose...

I want you to know,

deep in the saddle of my heart,

there's a better world.

Against all experience, against all rational thought, against every fiber of his being telling him it won't work out, the boy who cried wolf, hopes once more. It's the simplest of wishes, the purest of dreams, the hardest of rejections, one that stems from the heart and fills the soul. He bears arms and armor forged from the greatest of iron and marches towards his destiny with conviction. His resolve holds steady, and the sparkle in his eyes outshines the moon. As blades of steel thunder and as blood is shed, one thing and one thing only is certain; he fights for himself, for he would rather die trying then never try at all.

I'm almost there. It's almost over. Never could I have imagined such a year. Never could I have expected my story to unravel with such speed and in an instant, intertwine once more. As this journey comes to an end, I have very little to say. But we've come so far, you and I, we barely even need words anymore. I rarely mention it, but I really need you to know that even though you're silent, I can hear you. I can hear you louder than any scream, and your voices echo throughout my life. Without you, there is no me. There is no us. And for that, I will be more greateful than you shall ever know.

Let it rain over me...

We've all got broken strings, and the world can be a very lonely place if you don't learn to love broken things. Today I found myself thinking about how dark and swampy your eyes got during november rain. I thought about how the brightest stars are always white and blue, and I wondered about love and the shapes I've seen it come in. I thought about how when we hit the light we never stay for long, and how I'll never be sorry for all the feelings that I bear in all the places they cannot fit. Sometimes when I listen carefully I hear you singing. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I've been through a lot this year, and one would think that I could have learned by now to not let the small things get to me, because, in the end, they don't add up to much. But truthfully it's the small moments that are most important, it's the small moments that I'll never forget.

They shake their heads, they say I've changed...

Rows and flows of angel hair,

ice cream castles in the air,

and feather canyons everywhere.

Tears and fears and feeling proud,

to say "I love you" right out loud,

dreams and schemes and circus crowds,

I've looked at life that way.

I've seen love from one side now,

just give and give, and still somehow

its love's hope that I recall,

I guess I really don't know love at all.

I'll be here forever...

There has to be a better world out there, it simply must. As I sing myself to sleep, I realise that for the first time in my life, I don't want to wake up alone anymore. I'm not sure when things changed, all I know is that they indisputably did. As I look back towards overcome torment, I suddenly don't feel sad anymore. I feel lucky. Lucky to have gone through what I did, and survived with a heart intact and a soul worth saving. Lucky to have met certain people, who shattered my understanding of the world and transformed it into something greater, something beyond frivolous comprehension. Now, as I stare upon the moon, the wish I make, yet remains the same, just that now there's someone right beside me, holding my hand and smiling like it's the last day of our lives.

Take chances and be bold. Tell the truth even when it feels like it might rip you to shreds. Say no when it doesn't feel right, and yes when you think it might change your life. Be kind, especially to those who aren't to you. Say "I love you" to the people that deserve it and "goodbye" to those who've always taken you for granted. Laugh as much as you can, and let go of the shackles that bind. Cry when you ache and when there is no longer anything to say. Regret nothing.

Waiting on a different story...

End of the world as we know it...

Sometimes there is really nothing left to say. No words to truly describe how one feels, how one hopes, how one struggles. I just need you to know that I try my best every day and I think of you when I ponder giving up. This is my life, and I am both happy and sad in the same breath, and I'm still trying to figure out how that can be. Is that ok with you?

Kaj naj vam rečem ob koncu sveta?

Kaj naj vam pišem na robu solza?

Koga naj prosim, da naj se že končno konča?

Then I was young and unafraid...

I guess we are who are for a lot of reasons and maybe we'll never really get to know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still decide where to go from here. It's hard when things change and friends leave and when we realise that our journey doesn't stop when we want it to. Someday all these pictures will become old photographs and we'll all become wrinkly and grey. But right now, these moments aren't stories, they're happening, this is our life. I was looking at her, and she was looking at me, and even if I didn't understand how something so horrible could happen to someone so pure, I still thought she was so beautiful. When she said goodbye I had a feeling she said it for the last time and while I'd collapse if that were true, I know deep down inside that even after everything, we are infinite. 

I hate how life sometimes forces you to grow up. How it manipulates, construdes and weaves the fabrics of our existence. I hate how it seems to have a will, an agenda and always a lesson to teach. I hate how it can burst from colours yet be void dark at the same time. I hate how it conjures conflict and among it, seems to plant seeds of future love. I hate how it's always so light yet always too much to bear. I hate how it's unfair and how it enforces justice. I hate how much I hate it and I hate how much I don't hate it even one bit, not even a fraction, not even at all.

Sing me to sleep...

I just feel like my life has been a series of wrong turns, taking me places I don't want to go, places I'm afraid of, places I should have never seen. I'm hoping that one day a wrong turn will take me somewhere I never knew I wanted to go, somewhere I won't need to pretend to be something I'm not, somewhere I'll belong without even trying. It's but a dream I guess, and the tragedy of my life, is that it will always be just that - a fantasy, which I won't stop trying to catch, yet never capture. They will laugh at me for persisting and I shall smile back at them because there will be nothing left to say. The boy who no one takes seriously is the boy who won't get serious at all, and the boy who'd rather gaze at the moon than look upon the world beneath him, is the boy who sleeps alone and wishes for the stars.

Winter just isn't my season...

Today is going to be the day

that they'll throw it back to me.

By now I should have realised

what I have to do.

I don't believe that anybody

feels the way I do about me now,

and word is on the street

that the fire in my heart is out.

All the roads I have to walk are winding

and all the lights that lead me there are blinding,

because just maybe, you'll be the one that saves me.

I dreamt that love would never die...

Dusk to dawn with the curtains drawn...

I will love you like a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, and as a secret loves to make a person gasp, and as a gasping person loves a shot of tequila to calm his nerves, and as a shot of tequila loves to shatter on the floor, and as the noise of shattering loves to make everyone else in the room gasp, and as someone gasping loves a table to lean upon, even if leaning against it presses a lever that loves to open a drawer and revel a secret compartment. I will love you until all such compartments have been opened and discovered, and until all the secrets have gone gasping into the world. I will love you until all the hearts in world have been broken and until every anagram has been unscrambled.

Days like today really make it hard to believe that there's a greater destiny awaiting me. Days like today, when so many prayers have been answered and so many of them ignored, make me wonder how far I can still go before I break. I run towards my addictions to ease the pain, and in the haze of yesterday's memories, I am reminded that the future still, even after everything, holds so much promise. Promise of the life I dream of. Promise of the love I crave for. Promise for the happiness that eludes my grasp. While today might not be everything I want, tomorrow shines bright with possibility. And while I may take today to mend all my newly inflicted wounds, I know that in this shallow world, the true dream, is to be able to dream at all.

Blooming up from the ground...

The tired sunsets and the tired people, remind him that it takes a lifetime to die and in the same breath, no time at all. He will not let his dreams be just dreams. He will go where he dares not, and he will travel further than his feet can bear. Along the way, blows will be dealt and blood will be spilled and the world shall shake beneath the battles which wage above. He is as he has always been - alone, but never lonely, walking on the boulevard of broken hearts, with one hand in his pocket, and the other waving towards the stars. His endgame is still an unknown, a mystery one ought to discover, yet never unravel, a quest one sets upon with full force, yet never completes, a parallel universe, one wants to explore, yet is too dark to see. 

Find light in the beautiful sea...

Most days I really am content with being alone, but then sometimes, when I watch a movie or read a book that has a love story in it, or when I notice lovers passing me by on the streets I realise than even though I'm not lonely, somewhere deep down inside I still want to find that someone, that anyone who'd make me forget about my past, and help me embrace my future. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it would be nice to be in love again, whatever being in love even means.

Everytime he looks at the stars, he feels like he's opening a door. He could be anyone, he could be anywhere, he could be himself at any moment in time, any instant in his life. He opens that door and he is struck with the realisation that he is the same person under the same stars, camping out in his backyard with the one he lost forever. The same person who drove away into the night, stopping only at the edge of the city, looking up at the same stars. Out there, where the world begins and ends, it's like nothing ever slows down, but always keeps on spinning and morphing into something beyond his comprehension. When sunlight breaches through the darkness and the stars prepare for slumber, he is not sad because it is over, he smiles because he knows he will walk this road again.

Nothing else compares...

Where worlds collide and days are dark...

Now close your eyes and go to sleep,

maybe one day we'll wake up

and this will all just be a dream.

It's that time of year again. That time when everything around me seems to be changing, transforming into something beyond my comprehension, slowly morphing while I remain as I've always been. Stuck together by my unquenchable thirst to touch the moon, yet torn apart by the demons that whisper in my ear every night before I go to sleep. I feel the earth move beneath my feet, I hear my heart burst again, and I let myself hope for the hopeless. I know this is not the end, it is not even the incipence of the end but it is perhaps the start of a season I'm bound to remember forever. Pushed to my limits and further across is where I feel at come. At the edge of glory and every broken dream I ever dared to dream, I let the sky fall, for I know that I shall stand tall, I'll get through it all.