Save me...

The stories we shouldn't tell...

As the people who adore you stop adoring you; as they die and wither into a void of darkness, devout of mind or matter; as they move on, and write stories which hold no mention of you; as you shed them, leave them behind as they left you; as you shed your beauty; your youth; as the world slowly starts forgetting all you once were; as you recognise your transience; as you begin to lose your characteristics one by one; as you learn there is no-one watching you, and there never was. When such a time arrives you shall think only about driving - not coming from any place; not arriving any place. Just driving, counting off time. Now you are here, now you are there, now you are gone. This is everyone's story, the specifics hardly matter. You are all Karr and I am all you. All my meagre sadness is yours; all my loneliness; my brown, thick hair; my red raw hands. They are yours to help you feel connected, something to make you feel all right, something to make you feel loved, something to make you feel whole.

My heart will never let you go...

I might be anyone,

a lone fool out in the sun.

Your heartbeat of solid gold

I love you, you'll always know.

Waiting for the fire to light,

feeling like we could do right,

be the one that makes tonight,

because freedom is a lonely road,

we're under control.

Nothing in between...

As he is ignited by flames fuelled by every wish he's ever made, the scorching burns do not leave scars or draw blood. Rather, the heat destroys the demons which started growing on his back, not allowing him to breathe. He was so scared of going down this road, so petrified by memories of past pain that he did everything he possibly could to avoid the collision of hearts, yet as it now came to be, these two souls were meant to be forged into one. "I love you" has never held greater meaning, and it has never been said with louder conviction. There is no agenda, no false hopes or desires - simply a promise of a future, however long it may last. But most importantly, he does not dream of forever with you, he does not even envision it, because he is simply too busy staring into your eyes, and how they gaze right back at him, full of wonder, filled with lust for life, and ultimately a thirst to be drowned in the story of us.

Even though my world is suddenly spinning faster than ever before, I somehow don't feel overwhelmed or anxious. I am in state of content flux, being perpetuated by the sheer thought of you, of us, of everything we experienced in these last few weeks - from spontaneous getaways, to nights under the stars with only our bodies keeping us warm. I think you may be the epitome of all my fears and desires jumbled up in one single person. When I'm with you I feel like I'm in a movie, acting out scene after scene, as if I knew the entire script by heart. You put your hand in mine and I somehow predict exactly what you are about to say, leaving me with the impression that you are not of this world, but of my mind. That I somehow conjured you with my willpower and relentless dream to be engulfed by a love that shines brighter than the brightest of stars. Yet the moments that truly take my breath away, are the ones that catch me by surprise, the ones when you slide your body next to mine, and make time stop, making me wish it would never begin again.

Things we never knew...

I shall never feel alone again...

I jumped, never really asking myself why, and as I fell towards the ocean floor all that ran through my mind was the fact that once again I feel invincible. I don't need to choose anymore and that simple notion has set me free. I am my own person - with complex emotions and profound thoughts. One that is just like each and everyone of you, different only in how his experience unfolds. As I live the life I never imagined for myself, it is clearly evident that you can as well - needing only the courage to jump without knowing if you'll survive, and in the end, not truly caring at all.

Stoned in paradise...

All my hours, only lonely...

No one knows what it's like

behind green eyes,

and no one knows what it's like

to be faded,

to telling only lies.

I've never danced like this before...

You are something special indeed. And while I find it so strange that we have yet to express any sort of real emotion, other than with actions, I am in owe how far I've come. As I gaze into your eyes there is no doubt, and I find myself letting go of every mistake I've ever made, because all of them suddenly make sense - for they have led me straight to you, straight into your embrace. When we're together it feels like we've been at it for forty years, even though it hasn't been even a fraction of that. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling or more importantly what I'm not. Is this what all the poets and writers have been preaching about for generations? The love they craved for, bled for, died for is within my reach but I'm not scared one bit, not at all. I have made a pact and I'm sticking with it no matter what. The strands of my fate have yet to lead me astray, so I cannot phantom them doing so now, leaving me with the greatest decision of all - to lose myself in free-fall and simply enjoy as I fly.

Dandy with the me inside...

When she asked him how he was doing, for the first time in his life, he wasn't sure what to say. The simplest of questions can sometimes ignite the most complex of answers, and as he dug deep in order to make sense of what exactly this new found state of my mind meant, he quickly realised that this time around the conclusions will be more profound and life-chaining than ever before. Because if this is what it means to be happy, and if this is what it looks like to let go of every dream you've ever dreamt, than he is about to have a rude awakening. Life doesn't stop just because you want it too, and it doesn't spring you towards the future you desire by simply acknowledging your wishes - it does so in surprising and unexpected ways, so just when you believe you have it figured out, without warning, a curve ball knocks you off your feet. 

Love's a raven when it flies...

You didn't think I was serious, right? But when I promised you that I would stop wishing for the unreachable if you granted my heart release, I was being dead serious. And while I still might not completely grasp what love actually is, I feel as if everyday I am one step closer to its true meaning. I don't want monuments or books written about me - I want neither fame nor immortality - all I want is your hand in mine and experiences that will make this journey and our bond more sacred than any before. You needn't hold anything against me, for I have succumb to your unending power and I am ready to face whatever you might throw my way next.

The other side is dark and full of terrors but that does not stop him from walking on the edge every chance he gets. The thrill that fills his veins as he is in free-fall is like nothing in this physical world, and it seems his life has become a constant chase for that feeling of ecstasy. The rhythm of life sways him in directions unknown, and the ghosts of seasons past keep crawling on his skin, yet he does not allow them to shake his focus. He is a new man, someone who is calmer than the ocean after a storm, someone who isn't afraid even though he should be, someone who loves even if perhaps he might once again crumble beneath the weight of his expectations. But until such mysteries are revealed, and until the web of his story is fully sown, he shall relish in the notion that no path is too great to overcome, and no mountain is too steep to climb. 

I've fallen for your eyes...

A note to make you understand...

As he gazes towards the sun he realizes that he does not recognise the tempest of emotions rushing through his veins. It is now clearly evident that no one is going to give him a break, and that it's up to him to catapult himself towards the sky. He has tried, and he has failed to impress, yet still the glare in his eyes does not falter. He is steady and calm, and knows that even a hundred "no's" mean nothing, because all the disappointment he struggles with now shall vanish in an instant when perhaps one day someone finally says "yes". He might have to wait awhile longer. He might have to nourish more wounds and get up from greater falls, but this is the path he chose, the life he wanted, the wish he made when he didn't even know what it meant. Nobody feels as he feels, and nobody ever will. The closest he will get to be understood, is by writing as fiercely as he can, then all he can hope for is that some of you will find yourself within his story, which is forever intertwined with his unrelenting resolve to simply, without agenda or selfishness, make a difference. 

I will not stand alone...

Heart beats fast,

colours and promises,

how can I love when I'm afraid?

I have died everyday

waiting for you.

Darling don't be afraid

I have loved you for a thousand years,

and I'll love you for a thousand more.

Swinging from the chandelier...

Holding on for dear life...

All of a sudden I feel as if I am a completely different person, and if you'd ask me just a few months ago who I wanted to be, I'd be able to blurt it out without missing a beat. Now the world seems to rotate in the opposite direction, and I have been shot out of my own orbit. Mind you it is not something I lose sleep over or find distressful and agonizing. I have literally never been more calm, and to be honest that scares me, because I'm content in accordance to everything I always despised. I no longer dream, I find greater solace in reality than in my aspirations, and this very realisation makes me sick to my stomach, for I do not know who I am if I'm not the boy chasing that which cannot be caught. Perhaps this is the last lesson, the final obstacle I have to climb to prove that I am worthy. Maybe this is a test like I could have never predicted. Can I fly away and leave you behind? Can I float above the sky, knowing I crushed my chance at true love - the kind I keep writing about, the kind I never would have imagined truly existed? Once again there are too many questions and not nearly enough answers, once again, dear darling, I am yours if you are mine.