Holding on for dear life...

All of a sudden I feel as if I am a completely different person, and if you'd ask me just a few months ago who I wanted to be, I'd be able to blurt it out without missing a beat. Now the world seems to rotate in the opposite direction, and I have been shot out of my own orbit. Mind you it is not something I lose sleep over or find distressful and agonizing. I have literally never been more calm, and to be honest that scares me, because I'm content in accordance to everything I always despised. I no longer dream, I find greater solace in reality than in my aspirations, and this very realisation makes me sick to my stomach, for I do not know who I am if I'm not the boy chasing that which cannot be caught. Perhaps this is the last lesson, the final obstacle I have to climb to prove that I am worthy. Maybe this is a test like I could have never predicted. Can I fly away and leave you behind? Can I float above the sky, knowing I crushed my chance at true love - the kind I keep writing about, the kind I never would have imagined truly existed? Once again there are too many questions and not nearly enough answers, once again, dear darling, I am yours if you are mine.