A lone wolf out in the sun...

I'm not sure why uncertainty still creates tornadoes in my head - perhaps I will never shake the small timid boy who is so sure he doesn't deserve to be loved that he'd do just about anything to prove himself right. I need you to know that I never thought I could feel with such magnitude and conviction, and that my missteps are not a reflection of you, but without a doubt a shadowy mirror image of someone I thought had died long ago. I'm petrified of my heart, how it whispers and beats in rhythms I can't keep up with. I don't have things under control. Not in the slightest. Even when the daylight comes I feel so cold, as if the last year hadn't even transpired. As if I didn't love with all my soul, and live with every single piece of my body and mind. As if I wasn't alive. As if you weren't you, and I weren't me. As if all of this never really happened.