Survival of the fittest...

Sonce bo moje srce.

It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you seam small and stupid because it's so hard to keep it inside, and then when you let it out and it doesn't come back, it damages you in ways you can't even imagine . You're left so alone, yet there is no attainable reason. What was once self-explanatory is now something you cannot grasp. Your true love becomes a stranger. Your friend becomes your enemy. Damn, there's nothing like that, is there?

We're running out of time...

Hello, it's me. I was wondering

if after all these years you'd like to meet to go over everything?

They say that time's supposed to heal,

but I ain't done much healing.

Hello, can you hear me?

I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be

when we were younger and free.

I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet,

but at least I can say that I've tried 

to tell you I'm sorry, for breaking your heart,

but it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore.

Our lives don't collide...

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Never, it would be too painful. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life - that's what you did for me, and simply put, I'll be forever grateful.

I'm sorry for breaking your heart...

The world fell at our feet...

Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the sun and view from every angle - it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day. It's not an act of bitterness. It's an act of self-preservation. Because it's not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it? It scares me how hard it is to remember life before you. I can't even make the comparisons anymore, because my memories of that time have all the depth of a photograph. It seems foolish to play games of better and worse. It's simply a matter of is and is no longer, and never will be again.

Hello from the other side...

I've never been good at letting go of people who let go of me. It's become sort of my curse to obsess about those who have long forgotten my voice. I have tried to grow beyond, but it always seems to take hold of me when I least expect it. I guess I'd be bored without it, and as I'm sure you know, I'll stick to anything that allows me to put words onto paper, even if it breaks my heart. So as life rushes by, I find sweet serenity in knowing that my existence is but an insignificant glimpse - a shooting star seen only for a moment, and then instantly forgotten. I will live, I shall write and then I will die. As simple as that.

A profound, resonating echo fills his thoughts, making him stop and calm his mind. He takes in a deep breath, and then slowly exhales. He continues to do so until his fingers shiver - sending a quiet shock through his spine and into his soul. The high pitch sound in his head slowly softens. He carefully takes another step, hoping the agonising screech doesn't spike up again. While barely heard, there it is, somewhere in the background. He hears it almost as a sinister laugh, mocking him, and making it seem like it will never truly disappear. If he were younger he would be angry, yet if life has taught him anything, it's that some things never change. While it yet remains, he is able to continue his long walk home - accepting that the voices will always be by his side, reminding him where he's been, and how far he still needs to go.

Stuck on the bridge between us...

I wanna hold hands with you,

that's all I wanna do right now.

And I wanna get close to you,

because your hands and lips still know their way around.

And I know I like to draw at night; it starts to get surreal,

but the less time that I spend with you, the less you need to heal.

I'll never be alone...

Just talking to myself...

You said you found a place where we could escape to. Somewhere where there wasn't a single soul to disturb our meditations. A place covered in sand and was blooming with grasslands. Somewhere where we could come alive again. It is there that you told me that life is painful and messed up. That it gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. You warned me that people just let themselves get washed away, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. Without you uttering a single word, I knew that's why we have to keep trying. You looked into my eyes, and said that the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. At that moment we both realised that a life without experience, is no life at all. We took each other's hand and made a promise right there and then that even when it hurts, we'll never stop ourselves from living.

Don't worry no more...

His catalytic collision...

Breathing has never felt harder. As I duck for cover from the latest onslaught of distractions thrown my way, I realise I haven't had a moment to myself in what seems like forever. I have forgotten what it means to be myself, to gaze in the mirror and imagine a world where my reflection would dance to the rhythm of my beating heart. A radical detox could be the only true remedy, and I am counting the seconds until I can set sail for calmer waters and friendlier seas. I have only so much to give, and in the wake of my dismemberment, I cannot give away something I do not have, and as always, life demands so much more.

To love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything you've held dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands, with your throat filled with the silt of it. When grief sits with you, its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs; when grief weights you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief, you think: "How can a body withstand this?" Then you hold life like a face between your palms. A plain face. No charming smile. No violet eyes. And you say: "Yes, I will take you. I will love you, I will love you again."

At least I'll stay forever young...

I am tired of this place, I hope people change.

I need time to replace what I gave away,

and my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small.

Though I try to resist I still want it all.

I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes.

I see a little house on the hill and children’s names.

I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray.

But everything is shattering and it’s my mistake.

Only fools do what I do...

I am being overwhelmed, just like I suspected I would. Past wounds have yet to heal, yet life offers me no chance to recuperate and mend what was broken. It rushes ahead, making sure I can't even catch my breath, simply walking forward one step at a time. Thrusting oneself towards an uncertain future usually has that effect, I only wonder if perhaps this time I won't be able to handle it. Not once have I been so close to the steps that could lead me to every dream I've ever dreamt - I guess that's why I'm putting so much pressure on myself. In hindsight, love was meaningless, and the pain I feel because of it, is just a sign how much more I have to grow. The goal has yet to be more clear, and who I was, when I achieved my heart's desire, is slowly but surely taking shape once more. But this time around I shall be calmer. Gentler. Wiser. And as ruthless as you've never seen me before.

Time to replace what I gave away...

Say you'll remember...

How do you look at the person you love

and tell yourself it's time to walk away?

Life is all about moments of impact and how they changes our lives forever. The moment where you are thrust towards your destiny and midway collide with another, pushing you into directions you never thought possible. Such moments prove to have the greatest potential for change. Its ripples effect far beyond what we can predict - sending some particles crashing together, altering everything we were sure we knew and positioning some closer than before. It sends some molecules spinning off into great ventures, across the universe and into the void, landing in spaces not yet discovered. That's the thing about moments like these. You can't, no matter how hard you try, control how they are going to affect you. You just have to let the colliding parts go where they may, and then wait for the next collision.

Picturing the disappearing world...