The tallest man on Earth...

Life is a chase, and if you chase anything, chase the things that get you excited about living. Chase the things that give you hope, happiness and a glimpse of a better life. Chase the things that make you want to be a better person. Chase the things that inspire you to think, create and live joyfully. Chase the things that reinforce in your soul that you can make a difference. Chase the things that make you want to transform your heart from selfish to selfless. When you chase that kind of storm you are chasing rainbows.

If I have learned anything in this whirlwind of a month, it is that you can’t plan out or perfectly schedule the big moments in your life. They just happen to you when they happen. One day you are rushing through the city, pondering over all the things you still need to do, and a single thought crosses your mind that completely changes the way you see the world. Or when you're ready to go to sleep, and you get a message from someone you believed was already long part of your history, and has now been thrusted with full force back into your story. Things happen - sometimes because you made them happen and sometimes because you couldn’t stop them from happening. And in that uncertainty lies the beauty of being alive - why you and I, are suddenly intertwined. Why you and I might last for a lifetime. 

Give up the ground under your feet...

I'm reflecting light...

I have failed you. As life comes at me with full force, and days turn into weeks in seconds, I find that the one thing that always kept me afloat, has now become an after thought. My mind is spinning with thoughts and the sheer hassle of not breaking down is keeping me from all of you. I will try harder, I promise, but I hope you understand that as strong as I project to be, somewhere deep inside still lurks the timid young boy who ran away from the world and started this thing that is not a blog. We were always stronger together, I think I just forgot that for a little while. And sometimes, when change and evolution does not come naturally, it has to be forced. Walls need to be torn down and burnt into ash. Eyes need to shut, blood needs to be spilled and as always, one must reach for the moon if you ever hope to land on a star.

Living in a gamble...

Catch a boat to England, baby, 

maybe to Spain?

Wherever I have gone, 

wherever I've been and gone,

wherever I have gone -

the blues run the game.

That day we met in November...

Sleeping on the floor...

If you are broken, you do not have to stay broken.

Yesterday was the first time I wrote something and didn't immediately post it. As I was reading my words and the sorrow I have somehow found myself in, and as I let it sink in that I am perhaps not as strong as I pride myself to be, I suddenly couldn't bare to publish it. Not because I'd be ashamed of what I was feeling or somehow wanted to appear strong - there is no censorship here. What I write is what I feel, and what I feel is always and forever something legitimate. Yet even I have the right to say no to my psychosis. I have the right to look it into the eyes and say: not today. You will not get the best of me today.

Lets blow smoke through the window...

I'm sorry for all the pain...

Wherever love goes there is also misery, 

it's no mystery.

Wherever love flows there is also tragedy -

when we're in too deep,

and you and I, we got history.

Nocturnal animals...

I really wanted to be this person that you thought I was.

I'm not in search of sanctity, sacredness, purity; these things are found after we die, not in this life; but while I am on this journey I search to be completely human: to feel, to give, to take, to laugh, to get lost, to be found, to dance, to love and to lust, to be so human that I am the envy of our gods themselves. All this I say because I believe that the desire to please you does in fact - please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. Solitude, my friend, this is for you.

Blinding light where his heart is...

He does not travel to go anywhere, but to simply go. He travels for travel's sake. To experience life and himself in it. The great affair is to move - to be in perpetual motion and discover places the past has shaped into the present. What instils a haunting dread in him is that feeling when he is driving away from people and they recede on the plain until even their specks disperse. In that moment the world shapes into its entire glory - vaulting and everlasting. But as he leans forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies, he realises, now more than ever, that he will never be content with a sedentary life, that he will always be chased by thoughts of a sun-drenched elsewhere. So he writes; he travels; he becomes, until the end of his days.

What pride had wrought...

Everyone makes mistakes, and I've for sure made many. Some taught me to be a better person, others simply tore away at my pride, yet each single one introduced me to a new way of thinking about myself. How I fit into this mad world, what I can expect from it, where I can run and hide when the storm simply becomes too much to bear ... What I found to be true as well, is that every time I think I've fallen as far as one can, life has a way of digging you into an even deeper hole. Not that I'm complaining, because if anything I've learned to enjoy the fall. Maybe even a little too much, a little too carefree.

As the winds turn, he finds himself a stranger in a sea of people he once called friend. He sees them reverting back to old patterns, and he recoils. For certainly the most destructive vice that a person can have, is self-pity.. It is a subset of hatred - it destroys everything around it, except itself. It will destroy even the strongest of bonds; it'll destroy anything that's good; it will fulfil all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it's so simple to imagine that one is hard done by life, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, if only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier. All those things that gnaw at our soul, and some of them may well even be true, but alas none can be solved while you burn yourself at the stake, watching every promise you've ever made slowly turn into ash.

Come and find me...

Holding on by a thread...

Skipping through the days to come home,

a million conversations, auto-pilot steer flow, 

I'm on my one man mission -

eyes down take note.

This is the greatest gift from everything I've ever hated, 

from all this figuring life's shit that's got me jaded, 

this doubting got me under-rated,

this is my mechanism, moving forward isolated.

Our memories, like a symphony...

When you're alone, do you say my name?

He realised, though surely not for the first time, but some lessons need to be repeated, that he doesn't have to be what other people want. He doesn't have to be interesting, agreeable or entertaining. He doesn't have to tone himself down, quiet his voice or hide his feelings. He doesn't have to be outgoing or spontaneous or sociable. He doesn't have to buff up or make his hair everyday, and he doesn't have to be anyone else apart from who he authentically is, even if that means being a wanderer till the rest of his days. Above all, he sure as hell doesn't have to spend time and energy convincing people that he is worth their time and keeping around. The right people have already, and will again recognise his worth. They are going to respect, appreciate and understand him, without forcing him to compromise. Life is too fleeting and far too short. Especially his, as new truths come to light, and threaten to destroy all he his built. 

A fire always burning...

The great escape...

When you believe that you are damaged at your core, you also believe that you need to hide that damage for anyone to love you. You walk around ashamed of being yourself. You try hard to make up for the way you look, walk, feel. Decisions are agonising because if you, the person who makes the decision, is damaged, then how can you trust what you decide? You doubt your own impulses so you become masterful at looking outside yourself for comfort. You become an expert at reinventing, at striving and trying hard and then harder to change yourself, but this process only reaffirms what you already believe - that your needs and choices cannot be trusted, and left to your own devices you are out of control. But if anything, believe this: you are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. You are you, and that's quite all right. That's quite all right with me.