Don't put a gun to my head...

I haven't been able to sleep ... for awhile now in fact. And it's weird because I don't wake up tired or anxious. It's as if I was amid some sort of internal awakening that is preventing me from straying off too far. It's hard for me to verbalise, because I've never felt like this before. I'm completely at ease, yet on the verge of transcending beyond anything I've ever dreamt. The snowball I've conjured keeps getting bigger, and I wonder when it will finally knock me off or if that time has already come, and I've yet to grasp it?

Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired. Smile, even when you're trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision. Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy. Trust, even when your heart begs you not to. Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see. Frolick, even when you are made fun of. Kiss, even when others are watching. Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring. Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more. And, always, remember, even when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of all your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience - you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, you are stronger than ever before.

I can turn water into flames...

His blow up...

I think this is the first year I won't be able to make it all the way through. Maybe I'm too old, and somehow all the magic that was once inside me, faded away. Dissolved into nothing and left an empty shell, which can no longer sustain thoughts morphed into words and written down. Perhaps I need to find an approach to gracefully remove myself from these entanglements that still persist in my mind. My worth does not diminish if I let something go. The memories created do not vanish and will forever hold sway. Moving on is simply acknowledging that circumstances have changed ... that I have changed and can no longer keep up with the rush of living. Fear not though, I am more focused than ever - goals are beginning to crystallise and the way forward is starting to transcend its mist. For sometimes the only means to truly get ahead, is to leave something behind.

The world dances to the sound of my heart...

I sympathize, and I recognize,

and baby, I apologize

that I got the good side -

the good side of things.

I'm sure we'll meet in the spring,

and catch up on everything.

I'll say I'm proud of all that you've done,

you taught me the ropes, and you taught me to love.

Breaking through the atmosphere...

He won't wait another day...

Life is such unutterable hell, solely because it is sometimes beautiful. If we could only be miserable all the time, if there could be no such things as love or beauty or faith or hope, if I could be absolutely certain that my love would never be returned: how much more simple life would be. One could plod through the Siberian salt mines of existence without being bothered about happiness. Unfortunately the happiness is there. There is always the chance that another heart will come to mine. I can't help hoping, and keeping faith, and loving beauty. Quite frequently I am not so miserable as it would be wise to be.

Shine on, diamond...

Welcome to another show...

So many expectations come when our calendars take another turn - promises and declarations of who we might become, how we need to transform, and how the path ahead shall take us to unexpected destinations. But what if this year we let go of such burdens? What is we accept that not every moment, that not every year has to be filled with an endless stream of breathtaking chances and wild rides? What if we make a pledge, that the year to come shall be simply peaceful? A chance to recollect, reflect and enjoy the journey walked so far? Without shame or excuses. Without fear or malice.

For everything in this journey of life we are on, there is a right wing and a left wing: for the wing of love there is anger; for the wing of destiny there is fear; for the wing of pain there is healing; for the wing of hurt there is forgiveness; for the wing of pride there is humility; for the wing of giving there is taking; for the wing of tears there is joy; for the wing of rejection there is acceptance; for the wing of letting go there is the wing of keeping. We can only fly with two wings and two wings can only stay in the air if there is a balance of both. Two beautiful wings is perfection. Yet we are told to idealise perfection as the existence of only one of these wings every time. But he sees that a bird with one wing is imperfect. An angel with one wing is fallen. A butterfly with one wing is dead.