Little do you know...

It was like when you make a move in chess and just as you take your finger off the piece, you see the mistake you've made, and there's this panic because you don't know yet the scale of disaster you've left yourself open to. And he had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, like when you're swimming and you want to put your feet down on something solid, but the water's deeper than you think and there's nothing there.

I cleaned up. Took myself for a walk. Tried to keep my eyes on the sky. Stayed away from my obsessions, stayed away from the destructive tools we learn to use; the smoking and the starving, the running, the madness, thinking it will help but it only feeds the fire and I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I made it through and today I woke up, lighter and proud because I'm still here. There is a whole universe growing outside my window. The tea is warm, the air is pure. In a few hours I'll be on my way again, to create and to inspire and to reach beyond. My own writing on the wall, that I created. Me ... little me. From nowhere at all. And I have people around that I like and can laugh with, and it's almost spring again. It will always be spring again. And there will always be a new day.