Electricity, I'm falling into you...

Now I'm see-through...

Just watch this moment, without trying to change it at all. What is happening? What do you feel? What do you see? What do you hear? Is it everything you've ever wanted or perhaps something even greater? Listen carefully and remember that sometimes it’s hard to know when to let go. It can be so personal, like the autumn leaf still hanging on the limb in the late October sky, Mother nature sends a gust of wind to nudge its stem loose. For us, we must listen for our own nudge from the inner soul. We must know and trust that when the time is right we will feel it, and instantly be made aware of that it’s okay to let it be. Whispers words of wisdom, let it be.

Lets see where this thing goes...

Who knows where this road is supposed to lead?

We got nothing but time,

as long as you're right here next to me, 

everything's gonna be alright.

If it's meant to be, it'll be, it'll be -

baby, just let it be.

Far from the shallow now...

Yes, I understand why things had to happen this way. I understand the reason for my pain. But mere understanding does not chase away the hurt. It does not call upon the sun when dark clouds have loomed over me. Let the rain come then if it must come! And let it wash away the dust that hurt my eyes, and let it show me the truth. I wonder, do these scars cover the whole of me, like the stars and the moon do the night sky? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is just what they want you to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, you survived.

Crash through the surface...

He fears himself...

It was a great mistake to have come. I should have stayed at home and wrote my stupid stories. But it was too late now. I was standing in front of the stage, with the music pounding through my body. It was as before, yet everything felt different; I should have stayed home, for I knew no longer, where I was.

One might fancy that day, the magical day, was just beginning. Like a man who had slipped off his suit and black tie to array himself in a party goes ensemble; the day changed, put off stuff, took gauze, transformed to evening, and with the same sigh of exhilaration that a man breathes, tumbling petticoats on the floor, it too shed dust, heat, color; the traffic thinned; motor cars, tinkling, darting, succeeded the lumber of vans; and here and there among the thick foliage of the squares an intense light hung. The evening seemed to say, as it paled and faded above the battlements and prominence, molded, pointed, of hotel, flat, and block of shops, he was beginning. He disappeared, but the night would have none of it, and rushed his bayonets into the sky, pinioned him, constrained him to partnership in his revelry.

The whole world knows...

I swear to you I'll be okay...

None of your knowledge, your reading, your connections will be of any use here: two legs suffice, and big eyes to see with. Walk alone, across mountains or through forests. You are nobody to the hills or the thick boughs heavy with greenery. You are no longer a role, or a status, not even an individual, but a body, a body that feels sharp stones on the paths, the caress of long grass and the freshness of the wind. When you walk, the world has neither present nor future: nothing but the cycle of mornings and evenings. Always the same thing to do all day: walk. But the walker who marvels while walking, has no past, no plans, no experience. He has within him the eternal child. While walking I am but a simple gaze.

Be that one in a million...

Mama said fulfill the prophecy,

be something greater,

go make a legacy,

manifest destiny.

Back in the days,

we wanted everything -

Mama said burn your biographies,

rewrite your history,

light up your wildest dreams.

Looking forward to the rest of my life...

If you swim effortlessly in the deep oceans, ride the waves to and from the shore, if you can breathe under water and dine on the deep treasures of the seas; mark my words, those who dwell on the rocks carrying nets will try to reel you into their catch. The last thing they want is for you to thrive in your habitat because they stand in their atmosphere where they beg and gasp for some air. If you walk on sunlight, bathe in moonlight, breathe in a golden air and exhale a Midas' touch; mark my words, those who exist in the shadows will try to pull you into the darkness with them. The last thing that they want is for you to see the wonder of your life because they can't see theirs.

I'm off the deep end...

He took the path that led others nowhere and only he saw the light at the end of the tunnel. They warned him about the monsters he would encounter, the odds that he would face. And they laughed when he got scars while fighting dragons on his way. When he came back out of the tunnel, holding his sword, bleeding and the sun shining on his face, he became the tales they wanted to be. He became the reflections of what they always wanted to see themselves through. He became the warriors they had always imagined of. He's been trying to fit everything in, trying to get to the end before it's too late, but he can see now how badly he's deceived himself. Words do not allow such things. The closer you come to the end, the more there is to say. The end is only imaginary, a destination you invent to keep yourself going, but a point comes when you realize you will never get there. You might have to stop, but that is only because you have run out of time. You stop, but that does not mean you have come to an end.

No good at giving you up...

Heaven only knows...

The autumn leaves blew over the moonlit pavement in such a way as to make the boy who was moving there seem fixed to a sliding walk, letting the motion of the wind and the leaves carry him forward. The trees overhead made a great sound of letting down their dry rain.

It was a very ordinary day, the day I realized that my becoming is my life and my home and that I don't have to do anything but trust the process, trust my story and enjoy the journey. It doesn't really matter who I've become by the finish line, the important things are the changes from this morning to when I fall asleep again, and how they happened, and who they happened with. An hour watching the stars, a coffee in the morning with someone beautiful, intelligent conversations while sharing the last cigarette - oh how I miss smoking! Taking trains to nowhere, walking hand in hand through foreign cities with someone you love. Oceans and cheesy quotes. It was all very ordinary until my identity appeared, until my body and mind became one being. The day I saw summer dissolve into autumn and learned how to turn my daily struggles into the most extraordinary moments. Moments worth writing about. For so long I let my life slip through my fingers, like water. I'm holding on to it now, and I'm not letting go.

Time should have taught me a lesson...

Kneeling at your temple, love was accidental.

Singing bruises, I was foolish,

thinking I was careful, losing every battle.

No hands, no rush,

no touch, no drug,

no blood, no love -

I'm doing it all for you.

I can't do golden rings...

Make it happen in my mind...

It's really hard to remember who you are,

when life moves so fast 

that you barely have time to breath.

I promise I won't give up on this. Even when it seems like I'm already done, already gone, I promise that I'm still somewhere in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to reappear. This thing that is not a blog has never been about obligation, but always an obsession. An obsession to track my thoughts, my experiences and my deepest fears. An obsession to write down every single piece, no matter how bizarre or pathetic, no matter how trivial or profound. I am here to expose my inner most truth, not for anyone else to see, but to see for myself. I may wane in consistency, and I may borrow when life offers little inspiration, but I will neither feel sorry nor apologetic. I am here because I want to be heard ... to not be so very alone, and above all, to never forget.