I'll be lying awake...

You have to stop carrying life like a burden. Life is not a burden. It’s not heavy to be alive. It’s weightless. It’s light as air. You’re just floating, a leaf through space, for a little while. You just have to learn to close your eyes more, or open them, when you can. You just have to learn to float with the waves more, not fight against things. Change, movement, transitions ... you have to become one with the current.

He realized that even if no one ever found him, and even if he lived out the rest of his life here, always missing, forever a missing person to other people, he could never be missing to himself, he could never delete his own history, and he would always know exactly where he was and where he had been and he would never wake up not being who he was and it didn't matter how much or how little he thought he understood the mess of himself, because he would never, no matter what he did, be missing to himself and that was what he had wanted all this time, to go fully missing.

Despite everything, life finds a way...

Because we belong together now,

forever united here somehow.

You got a piece of me,

and honestly;

my life would suck without you.

Look where we might end up...

Life will break you. That is simply unavoidable. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also split you apart with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. You have to follow your destiny, whatever that may be. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could. And despite the sun almost escaping behind the horizon, there is a smile on your face. For even if nothing else. You lived. You really did.

I'll be a superstar...

Take my hand, my dear...

All the things he knows he deserves...

He has faults for sure. Quite enough of them in fact. His temper he dares not vouch for. It is, he believes, too little yielding - certainly too little for the convenience of the world. He cannot forget the follies and vices of others so soon as he should, neither can he let go of offenses against him. He likes to be by himself, usually rather so than in company of others. He is not easily impressed, not by himself and surely not by others. He can also be quite vengeful. Petty for sure. He finds delight when he sees karma at work. Even if directed at him. He finds it's design simply marvelous. If only his anger wouldn't often get in the way of his vindication. He has a good heart. Sometimes he just forgets to use it.

Losing control of myself...

Gazing into the heavens on a starry night I can see the reflection of my own soul staring back at me. Trying to perceive my microscopic place in the revolving cosmos, I search to ascertain a meaning for our existence; we stretch our minds to comprehend a reason that justifies our fleeting journey in a universe composed of dark energy. Comprehension of a full-bodied meaning for living seems to lie just beyond my grasp. Perhaps I struggle dialing into a meaning for life because living entails adapting to a constant state of flux. Never quite sure where you stand, until you find yourself plummeting towards your destiny.

In actuality, I have no choice but to capitulate to the evolution of facets in the world. Everything in the universe is undergoing constant change. Alike all humankind, I am also in the process of evolving. Who I was will undoubtedly affect who I will become. Who I am now is not who I will always be. The demands imposed upon me by the exterior world prevents stagnation. If I don't respond accordingly, I will surely falter. Flight or fight means growing or dying. It means that even a dreamer such as me proves alterable, and will be faced with the inevitable decision of either letting go or allowing to be crushed beneath the burden of indecision. The burden of discontent.

Don't walk away, don't leave me now...

I'd spend ten thousand hours,

and ten thousand more.

If that's what it takes to learn 

that sweet heart of yours.

And I might never get there, 

but I'm gonna try -

if it's ten thousand hours 

or the rest of my life.

Toast to the ones here today...

I'll try to make you proud...

I hereby break all contracts I made unconsciously and consciously before I knew the depth of my own spirit; the silent ones, the ones I inherited, passed down and accepted as my own from generation to generation. I hereby severe all ties with that which holds me down and back, unable to see the glimmer of what I know to be true, whether by my own creation or by expectations tied like weights around my ankles by others lost in the sea of their own confused hearts. I hereby reclaim my right to choose how my story unfolds, armed with creativity, a heart made of gold and reverent humility. I hereby fully accept all of this living and what-is-yet-to-come with brash integrity and loving determination. I do this all with love, from the great source of it found in my very own beating heart.

Someone please chase the monsters away...

Know my mistakes...

I am ... done. The two and half year cycle has completed itself and now there is nothing left to do, but accept my own undoing. Fear not, for I have done this before - too many times to count. I know these rooms, I've walked this floor, so the next events come as no surprise. I tried to reason; make sense of my mistakes that led me here; make realizations that are quickly negated. I rummaged over the hows and whys and watched my faith go dry. I wish I was given a better chance to explain, to change, to convince, to know better. It was a bang and then it was done. Just like that. My mind was fucked, life screwed, never the same. So now all of you can watch as I unravel. But though you might know my name, you do not know my whole story. You've heard what I have done, but not what I've been through.

The time has gone...

I feel like I am about to lose everything. Everything I worked for in my career, in my relationship and in my becoming. I don't think I've ever felt these feelings before, not even sure there's a word for them. When I was younger I dreaded not knowing how my circumstances would unfold, but back then things didn't seem so detrimental. It's as if the universe has been pilling up all my karma, storing it for the sheer purpose of imploding it all in a week's time. Everything is on the line. Nothing is safe. And never before has the table been so stacked. Come elation or desendancy, one thing is certain - that nothing actually is.

And the next thing he knew, he was walking through light snow back home, in a cloud of melancholy, thinking aloud from an excess of possibility like the dreamer that he was. He had an overwhelming sense of the world's plenitude; the massive, luminous spheres burned above him without irony; the streetlights were haloed and he could make out the bright, crustal highlands of the moon, the far-sprinkled systems; he was going to read everything and invent a new prosody and successfully court the radiant progeny of the vanguard doyens if it killed him; his mind and body were as a fading coal awakened to transitory brightness by the sheet magnitude of the universe, as it brushed against him, whispering the plethora of contingency; the world was endless without a doubt.

Wear my pain or mask it with pride...

I see your monsters,

I see your pain,

tell me your problems,

I'll chase them away.

I'll be your lighthouse,

I'll make it okay,

when I see your monsters,

I'll stand there so brave,

and chase them all away.

Show me how to love...

No one around to judge...

I don't think everything is going to be okay. I think the future promises lots of obstacles, struggle and disappointment. I think the true tests of faith, humanity and humility still lie before me. A vast ocean of lessons, waves crashing at my surface, forever swaying me to drown in the watery abyss. For the truth is, what we do matters. What we do day after day, year upon year, it matters. Life's successes come as we just do the things that seem to make no difference in the act of doing them and we do them over and over and over until the compound effect kicks in. There's a sort of poetry in that, as well as knowing that no matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around.