Let's show them we are better...

Around 2 a.m. the rain started to fall again. It was quite a lovely view, so far away from home, and I breathed it in like I only do when I truly love something, and there was a small sadness creeping in through my chest because I knew I would have to leave it, go back to reality where the stars don't seem to shine so bright anymore. But I pushed it aside, and rather hugged you as you soundly slept, because those moments are rare and I'm happy because I get to share them with you.

You must be a myth that your lover can't grasp and you must chase the moon like a wolf in the night, as if it will show you something only you can understand. Everything you do is a ritual that can mean something more and you must connect and create bonds with the spirits both outer and inner. Seek the strange and mysterious, otherworldly explanations for yourself and things around. There is always more. You must love and live and write like you're obsessed and possessed. Go mad for what you believe in.

I'm swimming in a mirror...

I had always believed that we leave a bit of ourselves wherever we go. And also that we took a bit of for our own, a tiny bit of every place we ever went to. And as we walked these streets for the first time as a couple deeply in love, it was as if the act of touching these places, and asking these questions had added another column to our being. And the only possible explanation I could find for that feeling was that a spirit existed in many of the places we visited, and a spirit existed in both of us, and all of them had somehow met in the course of our travels. It's as if the godliness of the land and the godliness of our being had fused.

If we go down, we go down together...

Good intentions and the highest hopes...

I never have time to write anymore. And when I do I only write about how I never have time or I find quotes that somewhat vaguely describe my current circumstances. Though not really, not at all in fact. It's work and it's money and I've written more lists than stories lately. I stay up all night to do all these things I need to do, be all these things I want to be, playing with shadows in the darkness that shouldn't be able to exist. Empty bottles and worn out cheeks from all the laughing while watching the sunset. Why do I complain? I have it all, everything I ever asked for. Everything I ever wanted. 

Give me the shivers...

I wanna be that guy, 

I wanna kiss your eyes,

I wanna drink that smile,

I wanna feel like

my soul's on fire, 

I wanna stay up all day and all night,

yeah, you got me singing like.

Just about over it...

Picture perfect memories...

If nothing else, we can say that we are one of few, who crawled up from the gutter and made something of themselves, despite the odds and despite others who tried to keep us down. We should be proud of that achievements. At least I am. We must also never forget the struggles we went through, because we are a living example to those who wander in darkness, a staunch reminder that light is within reach if you can find the strength and determination to keep going.

You know what, sometimes it seems to me we're living in a world that we fabricate for ourselves. We decide what's good and what isn't, we draw maps of meanings for ourselves. And then we spend our whole lives struggling with what we have invented. The anxieties we feel are really a byproduct of the walls we built around our heart, of our vision of the castle we want to one day live in. It's all a projection of what we once decided we want to be. The problem is that each of us has our own version of it, that's why it's so hard to understand each other. To find meaning in those around.

Hope in these waters...

Moments never stay, whether or not you ask them, they do not care, no moment cares, and the ones you wish could stretch out like a hammock for you to lie in, well, those moments leave the quickest and take everything good with them, little burglars, those moments, those hours, those days you loved the most. Sometimes the strongest thing you will ever do will be is let something go. It will be painful, you will suffer guilt, and you will second-guess yourself, but for your own sanity and quality of life, there will come a time where you hand the circumstances to the universe, and blindly have faith that whatever comes next is a little better. A little calmer. A little more true.

Drowning in the silence...

There ain't no gold in this river...

I was still a child,

didn't get the chance to

feel the world around me.

I had no time to choose, what I chose to do,

so go easy on me.

Watch me blast off...

I never claimed it was easy to find your place in this world, but I'm coming to the conclusion that if you seek to please others, you will forever be changing because you will never be yourself, only fragments of someone you could be. You need to belong to the deepest reaches of your heart, and let others belong to themselves too. You need to be free and detached from things and your surroundings. You need to build your home in your own simple existence, not in friends, lovers, your career or material belongings, because these are things you will lose one day. Probably a lot sooner that we think. A lot sooner than we hope.

I got you, moonlight...

Because we come from different sides...

But in life, no one is spared, no one is let off the hook. 

Those buried sensations had to come out, 

be felt, addressed, and lived through.

Despite being quite content, I still have a longing for freedom, and it seems that desire has become my cage. I don't actually even realize what I am specifically missing, or what it is that could make me whole once and for all. But something in me calls out to be aware. I have become parched in the desert of apathy, and thirst for an oasis forever out of my reach. And while my highest aspects hunger for freedom, so too my basest roots thrust outwards and strangle any hope that might be left.

More than just anybody...

You are my universe...

In the night, 

I lie and look up at you,

when the morning comes, 

I watch you rise,

there's a paradise they couldn't capture,

that bright infinity inside your eyes.

These days, I'm way too alone...

That was the fall of learning about the empty space. Learning about a tight pressure around my chest, waiting to explode and break out. But no matter how far far I wandered, how cold it grows or how drunk I got, the tight pressure just stays in there. I try to meditate, pray, workout, thinking it's some kind of detoxification process. A stone of toxic memories from all things yesterday and I just need to release it, let go and clean myself pure. But the stone stays in there. A big, black stone of heaviness.

And so you live like this, day after day, striving and fighting simply to become, or even better - to be. Something better, something more. Something you can live as, live with. A little more developed, a little more define and decluttered. But then there's the world, telling you over and over who you are and what you actually like and who you actually want to be, and so that real voice in your head speaks softer every day, until one day you wake up and it's gone. They killed it, these bastards, with their empty words and doing tasks without a heart. They broke it.