Monday, October 4, 2021

These days, I'm way too alone...

That was the fall of learning about the empty space. Learning about a tight pressure around my chest, waiting to explode and break out. But no matter how far far I wandered, how cold it grows or how drunk I got, the tight pressure just stays in there. I try to meditate, pray, workout, thinking it's some kind of detoxification process. A stone of toxic memories from all things yesterday and I just need to release it, let go and clean myself pure. But the stone stays in there. A big, black stone of heaviness.


And so you live like this, day after day, striving and fighting simply to become, or even better - to be. Something better, something more. Something you can live as, live with. A little more developed, a little more define and decluttered. But then there's the world, telling you over and over who you are and what you actually like and who you actually want to be, and so that real voice in your head speaks softer every day, until one day you wake up and it's gone. They killed it, these bastards, with their empty words and doing tasks without a heart. They broke it.