But why have you fallen - you? What fatal, diabolical causes hindered your life from blossoming into full flower? Why, almost before beginning life, were you in such haste to cast off the image and likeness of the universe, and to become a cowardly beast who backs and scares others because he is afraid himself? You are afraid of life - as afraid of it as you ever were.
I've spent so much of my life wondering why I am here, feeling this ache behind my eyes that my life isn't for anything, that it doesn't mean anything, that the hurt hurts too much and the joy gives too little. But in the shade of a pine tree overlooking the ocean, I'm able to feel, if only in moments, why I am here - that I am here to pay attention. I am here to hold my partners hands and tell him it's going to be okay, even though I have no idea if it will. And most of all, I am here to be. I am here to be with you, to be with my family, and even to be with the sea. The gift is being itself, and who better to show me that than she who left so long ago.
