Life as I blow it...

I may not see it now, but I believe that one day I'll be laughing about the pain that's tearing me apart right now. As I barely made it home, I kept telling myself: "whatever you do, don't let them see you cry," and no one did. But then it dawned upon me, if no one sees your agony, does it even exist, does it even matter? Perhaps one day, when the world makes more sense, I'll be able to understand my current circumstances. Because that's what really hurts about all of this, I don't get why it happened. I thought I was doing so well, by the book, as I was supposed to. But in truth, I'm as clueless as ever and maybe even more than I've been before.

I've found that some people you can only love by not being with them. You can love them with your heart and soul, yet you know you're not enough for them, so you set them free, to find someone who is. But the thing is, you touched me with your fingers and you burnt holes in my skin with your mouth, and it hurts when I look at you, and it hurts when I don't, and it feels like someone's cut me open with a jagged piece of glass. Maybe life is simpler than I think, though. I look for answers, but as it seems, there really aren't any. Things just happen, without logic or reason, and there's nothing we can do about it. What it comes down to, is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet, but I've got one hand in my pocket and somehow I know everything is going to be alright.

I've got one hand in my pocket...

I can't believe it actually happened, I can't believe I really got it. It's overwhelming. I've been dreaming about it for so long, and now that it came true, I can't even being to grasp it. Success is my only option, failure is not. I've got to formulate a plot. So here I go as my shot, because this may be the only opportunity that I've got.

Sometimes there are things in are our life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want, but it's exactly the thing we need. Sometimes change isn't too hard to bear, but it's the only thing keeping you alive. I shall not say goodbye, for we shall all meet again. At long last the fantasy came true. I can finally walk away from the life they think I lead.

I'm just a little boy caught in the moment...

What I want more than anything is that five years from now, I'll be able to write that the essence of who I am hasn't changed. That I still believe in the same principles and that I still have the same values. But most of all, I want to be able to write that I lived to the fullest of my potential and that I took risks. Yet not those trivial ones we make everyday, but those which upset the very fabric of our existence. Those which shatter the shell of our secluded lives and bring forth the kind of change that awakens the soul and jumpstarts our heart. The kind they write about in great literature, the kind I dream about. Still, even after everything.

Sometimes we come across people that touch us in ways we never thought possible. They understand us better than we do ourselves, and they always seem to know what to say and how to respond. Our circumstances interwine and before we even realise it, we're the same person. But as all things, some people aren't meant to stay. They're supposed to leave and take a piece of us with them, because only then can we learn the true meaning of survival. Only when we're ripped to shreds by the sheer act of someone walking away from our life, can we truly understand who we are as a person, and what we're capable of accomplishing. While saying goodbye for the last time, may be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, know that no amount of change is too much to bear. All you need to do is look at the sky, and find solace in the fact, that no matter where you are in the world, the stars shall guide you home.

Suck the poison out of me...

I'll make you beg,

I'll make you come,

I'll take the hit,

this is how it goes down.

Thanks for watching as I fall...

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle,

life is a maze and love is a riddle,

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone.

Slow it down, make it stop, 

or else my heart is going to pop. 

I'm just a boy lost in the moment,

I'm so scared but I don't show it.

I guess I just have to let it go, and enjoy the show.

You're so pretty, that just ain't me...

As I wait for my break, and as I recover from every denial that's thrown my way, I find that never before have I been such a hazzard to myself. But the thing is, I don't wish for a day in the life of someone else, what I wish for, more than anything, is just a day in mine that's really worth living. I know I'm my own worst enemy, but I can't help myself. I gaze at all of them, who seem to have everything, and I can't help but feel a little jealous. I'm starting to believe that the boulevard of broken dreams is where I'm destined to stay. It's the only world I've ever been accustomed to. I recognise the streets and the gloomy lights paving my way towards a destiny I refuse to accept, a destiny I cannot live with. As I lay my head and prepare for my eternal slumber, one thing is clear. No wait, this time, nothing truly is.

This is when the true meaning of failure comes to show.

I want to hear you screaming out my name...

The tables have turned it seems. Life has a way of doing that. So as I stand at the precipes of change, I find the chains I thought I was bind to, never really existed. Because I don't want a fairytale ending. I want to be faced with my fears, and I want to overcome disaster. I don't want a life that's fabricated and distorted, but real, raw and honest. I did something again, something so completely crazy, I'm almost wishing it won't come true. I'm afraid I won't have the courage to see it through, even though I've been dreaming about it for ages. Do I even dare? As always, time will tell, and while the ending isn't so clear anymore, one thing is sure. Never before have I taken such a risk. If I fail, I'll fail better than anything in the past, and if I succeed, I'll transcend beyond everything I've ever written about. It's just so thrilling, isn't it?

The truth is, no one really disappears from you life, people never really leave, their roles just change. Someone who you thought is gone forever, can suddenly reappear and have an impact you never imagined. As I gazed into your eyes, and felt us reconnecting, I wondered if we ever actually grew apart. I know there are things I did that can never be forgiven, but I'd like to think we've moved beyond that. The future just has so much potential, it would be a shame to waste it. So what do you say? For old times sake? Want to fuck it all, and fly away?

And so here I stand, a better man...

At the beginning of last year, I thought it would be the year of hell. I don't know why, but something in my gut told me that I would be faced with challenges unlike ever before, and the funny thing is, I was right. But while it was hard, I can easily say it was by far the best year of my life. So many things happened, so many things changed, and now I wonder if perhaps it was all in preparation for what's yet to come. I'm not ashamed to admit, that I've never been so afraid of the future. As certain truths shall come to light, decisions will need to be made, ones nothing can really compare to. Sacrifices will take an endless toll, and the hardest ones will be those I won't see coming. So as I lay at the end of the rainbow, I cannot be too sad, because even though a significant chapter has come to an end, I find warmth in the fact that it was one of the best rides of my life.

Today is the oldest I have ever been, and the youngest I will ever be again. So I forgive what's been done to me, and what I've done to others, and I silently tuck away the stories of yesterday. Only then, do I feel strong enough to rescue the world. Yet still I sit here, waiting to be saved, and hoping to be discovered. Because I am like a bird given wings, but put in a cage. A singer stripped of a voice, but shoved on stage. A writer without a pen, but given a blank page. A boy given a heart, and all of you, who walked away.