There's a new moon on the rise...

He knows the emotions tearing him up right now shall pass, as they have before, and as they will again. He still believes in magic and love and his dreams, yet moments like this take their toll and leave him alone and wanting. On days like this one, he wonders if he's truly on the right track. Nothing is wrong, not really, but nothing is right either. He was just supposed to be doing more, he was supposed to be becoming more, and as he watches himself plumet into a state he might not get out of, he lets loose a silent scream. All bets are off, and the ending is too close to call. Anything can happen, and the pure and simple truth is no longer pure and certainly not simple. So tonight, for the last time, he will throw it all away.

The dark clouds gathered out of nowhere. I admit, I didn't see them coming, and I was unprepared. They knocked me on the floor before I even had the chance to stand my ground, and the pouring rain felt like armageddon. I've never been here, and I'm not sure how to react. The basic instinct is clear, but the path foward is shrouded with mist. I was doing so well, you'd been proud of me, but alas it seems that I always find myself back at these circumstances. But this time there is no going back, there is no plan B, and I'm shaking with the thought of finally losing it all. Tell me, how do you see this ending? How do you think this story goes?

Up against the wall...

Nothing else compares...

What do you dream of when you close your eyes?

Who do you see?

I try to not have regrets, but sometimes I let people slip away, without looking into their eyes, and being honest about how they impacted my life, how they made me reach beyond. I think about those moments, because what if my words could have changed the way things ended, the way our paths uncrossed? What if something that would have been said in those crucial confrontations, made today and tomorrow filled with more possibility, more love? Life goes on, and it just gets more heavy, but now there are fewer people there to lighten the load, and finding new allies has never been easy. We're all so overburdened with our past, that we don't allow ourselves to further endanger it. But I've decided not to be like that anymore. The walls need to be torn down, and others need to be let in. Together we shall rise from the rubble and start walking towards anything, towards everything.

Wishing for rain as I stand in the desert...

I lay in the grass, and watch the night sky,

I wait for the beautiful sunrise,

I've come so far, but still not far enough.

But I'm not giving up, 

because I'm still looking up,

and I see the one, 

just behind a burning star.

And as it falls to the earth,

the universe trembles,

I lose my breath,

and for a split moment, I am in heaven.

Heaven doesn't seem so far away...

This year, it seems, is designed to test me, to push me to my limits, to make me fight like I've never fought before. And as I try to recuperate from the last blow that knocked me off my feat, I discover an emotion I never knew existed. There is no name for it, no real way to describe it. It's just there, filling every pore of my body. It's not a bad feeling, mind you. It transcends the trivial definitons of good or bad, and it leaves little room for interpretation. It's overwhelming, but if I could wish for anything right now, I'd wish for this emotion to be present my entire life. Because if it is, then I'll always be sure that I'm still fighting, that I'm still alive.

He is different now, for sure. Not only on the outside, but on the inside as well. He struggled, he endured, and he rose above. Now all that is left to do, is wait. Wait for the future to unfold and for circumstances to unwind. Patience has never been his virtue, yet he realises that this time he doesn't have a choice. He just has to remember to breathe. It really is that simple. Just breathe.

A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather...

From now on, I shall make more mistakes. I won't try to be so perfect anymore. I'll be more relaxed. I'll be more fulfilled. In fact, I'll take fewer things seriously. I'll take more risks, more trips, and I'll watch more sunsets. I'll climb more mountains, I'll swim more rivers, and I'll have more real problems, instead of imaginary ones. But above all, I shall love without fear, without restraint and without agenda. I'm not praying anymore for us to end up together, because at long last I realised that even though the day might never come, you were my heaven, and those few moments were enough. Now the skies don't seem so far away anymore, and everything and everyone is within my reach. Even when it gets rough, I won't give up, and I'll be patiently waiting. Because even the stars burn, and sometimes one falls to the earth. Now I'm finally ready to catch it.

The magic of the moment on a glory night...

The future's in the air,

I can feel it everywhere.

It happened, therefore it can happen again...

Tell me something, how much passing of time is needed in order to change, to transform, to flourish? I used to think it can last for weaks, months, to grow beyond ones self. But as I gaze only a few days in the past, I discover the person I was, and the one I am today. Their projections of me feel miles away, disjointed, disconnected. One was a boy who couldn't stop looking behind his shoulder, towards the past, the other a man with his sight set onward - to new adventures, new friends, and perhaps even the wish he dreams of everyday. He loses himself in them and before he realises it, the dream is dreaming him.

It's a curious sensation when the people I once couldn't live without, are now just strangers I once knew, and the people I've known for a fraction of my journey, embed themselves deeper than anyone before. On my way home I shed a tear for all that was lost, gained and sacrificed to find myself exactly at this moment. Nothing really changed, yet everything somehow feels different, the world feels different, and it's the best feeling I've had in what seems like eternity. It's no longer about where I am, but where I'm bound, and the path forward has never been more clear. The path forward, is through. Through the walls I erected, right through the maul of the fortress of all those moments I stored away. The wind of change is in the air, can you feel it?

The more I see the less I know...

I need more than myself this time,

because all my life's been sacrifice,

and I can't even look inside.

Deep beneath the cover of a perfect wonder,

where it's so white as snow,

privately divided by a world undecided,

and there's nowhere to go. 

I step from the road to the sea, to the sky,

just to hear you sing my name,

running through a field,

even though my tracks will be concealed.

Bow in the presence of greatness...

After the last few days, I cannot be too sad, for I have found my heroes, and together we vanquished my enemies. We laid waste to everything we once feared and took back countless pieces of our soul, ones we thought were forever lost. But still, as I'm sure you know, these feelings are only fleeting. They disapate faster than they emerge and they force me to wonder how long this calm will last. There are no clouds in sight, yet if anything, I've learned that I should always be prepared, ready. My life, it seems, is an everlasting storm, but the thing is, I love dancing in the rain. And as I regain my strength for the inevitable return of the tempest, I gaze around my new surroundings and I am overwhelmed with a sense of pride. Pride in how far I've come, how much I've grown, and how I overcame even my most profound insecurities. So here I stand, a better me, but still nowhere near the man I know I can be.

You take advantage of me, I take it of you...

I'd bid you welcome to my silly life, but after all this time, we need no introduction. We have always been a part of each other. Forming our collective existence. Without you, there is no me, or us, and I take no credit for our creations. Because really, what you give, is more than I can ever repay. I extol you to the skies without expectations or alternative motive. I do so to show my gratitude, for you have given so much. My promise to you is that when I say my farewells, I will not cry or feel anything close to sadness because our journey is over, instead I shall smile and laugh because it happened, because we happened. 

When I look back at how things came to an end, I sometimes wonder if there are things I could have done differently, if there was something more I could have said, could have done, could have held back. I store those thoughts in a library in my head, and I brush off the dust every full moon, just to remind myself where I've been, and where I want to go. The memories of moments that tore me apart, now serve as a beacon. I navigate towards it when I find myself looking for answers and truer paths. I follow the light until I reach myself again, then once more, I can breathe. It occured to me now that words which pass through here, have a greater meaning, one I never noticed, and only tomorrow can tell, how much potential they still hold.

If we don't do it now, we'll never make it...

If anything, I've learned that time is never time at all, and just when we think we've broken free of the bonds which bind us to an unforgivable past, the clouds gather once again, and they brew a storm greater than anything before. But this time it's different, because I'm not running for shelter. I'm standing right in the maw of the mealstorm and I patiently wait. It's getting dark, but I am not afraid. I shiver, yet I stand firm. I even find myself smiling. The first drops pour down my face, and I know the full force of the hurricane is close by. Just breathe. That's all you can do. Why you ask? Why don't I escape? Well the thing I realised, is that if I want the stars, I have to fight my way to them, and most importantly, what the last two months have taught me, is that you can't expect lightning to strike, if you're not standing out in the rain.

Nothing really matters when we're dancing...

Al bo sonce, al bo sneg, 

mene še vedno grab nervozen smeh.

You sprayed your graffti on me...

At long last, at the place where it all sort of started, I found the strength to do it. A part of me can barely believe it, but others scream warcries of victory. Today I threw away the parts of myself I was most ashamed of. And as I watched the symbol of my mistakes plummet towards the watery abbys, I felt a tremble. No more illusion and pretense. No more lying and trying to please everyone. No longer shall I apologise for who I am, or find excuses for who I am not. Those of you who left, will only see from a far, the man this boy will be, and as it turns out, he just started growing.

The day that you left, was only my beginning. Think you got the best of me, and had the last laugh? I bet you think everything good is gone, that you left me brokendown, and that I'd come running back. But baby you're dead wrong, because I'm not lonely when I'm alone. Thanks to you I've got a new thing started. Thanks to you I'm not the broken hearted and I'm finally thinking about me. I'd thank you for making me a fighter too, but really, I've always been one, and honey, I always will.

The sun must set to rise...

Tonight we are young,

so lets set the world on fire,

we can burn brighter than the sun.

Tonight we can find new ways to fall apart,

because I know I'll never be the only one that you've got.

Tonight the world is on my side,

even though the angels never arrived,

and the wheel broke the butterfly,

we'll just close our eyes and dream of paradise.

We burn brighter than the stars...

I admit, I'm on the run. I'm running from Her, from them, and what hurts the most, I'm running from myself. I'm not really sure how it happened, I just know I dreamt of paradise, and when it slipped through my fingers, I had no choice but to chase after it. Now I find myself at the edge of the world, gazing towards an uncertain future. I dare not look back, for the destruction I've left in my wake, is something I never want to experience again. Those moments shape you though. They morph you, and they sure as hell make you strong. What once was, won't ever be again, and what has yet to be, is anyone's guess at this point. So I close my eyes, on a stormy night, and once again away I fly.

If I have desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical conclusion is that I was made for another world. My mind is screaming, and it's getting hard to ignore, especially when it shouts the truth. I look around the room, and the people I'm surrounded with, make me feel like there's hope for the future. Home is where the heart is, and the beat of mine has never been so strong. As we pass in and out of our collective consciousness, we make a silent pact. We shall remember these times forever. Not because we're happier than we've ever been, but because somehow, against all odds, we found each other in the dark.