They'll carry me home tonight...

Like zombies coming back from the dead,
tonight we'll dance like it's the last night of our life.

My kingdom awaits...

And so, after all this time, he was home, or what was left of it anyway. He said his farewells knowing of the destruction he was leaving behind, and the sorrow he inflicted upon those who held him up during his journey. As he was standing in front of everything he once held dear, and standing behind everything that made him into the man he is today, he did not shed tears, for he was so sure in what he was doing and in who he wanted to become. The battle has just begun, and these last few months have been training for everything he shall have to endure in the future to transcend into the person he sees every night in his dreams. He is taller and stronger than ever. Even if they have not forgiven his mistakes, he has forgiven himself, and he has rebuilt what was destroyed. The wasteland lies beneath him, his fantasies float just above reach. It's as if nothing had changed, yet so many things have. He marches forward, determined, and as always, with that stupid grin on his face.

It's not a cry you can hear at night...

A blaze of light in every word...

My faith was strong, but I needed proof, 

and then I saw you bathing on the roof.

Your beauty in the moonlight overthrew me.

I tied you to a kitchen chair,

I broke your throne, I cut your hair,

and from your lips I drew an hallelujah.

The minor fall, the major lift...

I'm starting to think things don't actually happen for a reason. Maybe we're just grasping for ways to make sense of the chaos around us, and giving meaning to things, which don't have any meaning at all. Maybe we're clinging to hope and our dreams so hard that we forgot about reality. What if we're wrong, and nothing is meant to be? Maybe we're just lost souls endlessly wandering the plains, desperately seeking comfort that things will work out in the end no matter what. What if we tricked ourselves into believing our lives have some sort of purpose, just so we don't have to face the truth that they might not?

How do you end a viscous cycle? This continuum of selectiveness is about the cause and effect of medicating your medication. I run to substances that make it easier to move on, to mend a broken heart, to toast the glory days, yet I wonder if, when push comes to shove, I'm strong enough to survive on my own, without the vapours of potential addictions running through my veins. As tragic as it may seem, I think we all cling to certain things, certain people, anything really to make everyday seem like it's worth it. Then when moments come which take our breath away, which transform the very fabric of who we are, we have something familiar at our side, something that reminds us of home. It's been six months, and at long last, this boy is ready to march back from where he came from. Then I shall finally bare witness to how much I have changed, and how much I still need to.

I've heard there was a secret cord...

They never warn you about what happens when the sun sets in paradise. What kind of spectres and demons awake to haunt the fields, as you try to catch the last rays of hallelujah. I promised myself I wouldn't be too sad, and I'm not, there are just times when I think what would have been if we had more time. It was never on my side, yet I feel myself wondering why I was given something so perfect, if it had to be taken away so quickly? It's not gone for good, there are still traces, but as always I want more, I want it all. The moonlight guides me through the forest, helping me escape whatever might lurk in the dark abyss. I march forward, awaiting the moment when the sun shall rise again, and every breath I draw from my broken lips, tastes just a little bit of you.

Floating like a cannonball...

He had jumped off the edge, and then, at the very last moment, something reached out and caught him midair. It defied the laws of gravity, and he never thought something so powerful could even exist. It was the simplest of things, the smallest of gifts, the tiniest of gestures - a promise. One made by the heart and bound by the soul. One made between two people who somehow found each other in this crazy world. All it took was one look, one touch, one kiss, and suddenly the world made sense. Every choice, every mistake, felt as if it led to this profound unity, to this moment frozen in time. As the universe rifted us apart and drew blood we both knew would be spilled, we did not shed tears, instead we smiled because we knew, we were so sure that we'd never forget each other, and that we'd hold one another again. Perhaps not tomorrow, and perhaps not a hundred moons from now, but mark my words, our time will come.

Our story frozen in time...

Breaking the cycle...

Yellow diamonds in the light,

and we're standing side by side,

as your shadow crosses mine,

it's all it takes for me to come alive.

Shine a light through an open door,

love and life I will divide, 

turn away because I need you more, 

can you feel the heartbeat in my mind?

A shot in the dark, a past lost in space...

It lasted exactly one day. One glorious day in fact, where I was completely at peace. Serenity was rushing through my veins and my mind was clear. It felt so unusual, so strange, unfamiliar even. I guess when you spend so much time convincing yourself that you don't deserve to be happy, it becomes the only life you know how to lead. You have no idea how hard I want to break free from this dreaded cycle, how hard I try to disintegrate the shackles that bind me to this obscure existence. I refuse to accept that this is my story forever, I refuse to back down. Just wait, just wait and see how far I'll go, how strong I'll become. One day I shall laugh at these moments, and we shall toast the days when everything fell apart.

He runs back towards the fire, towards the shadowy flames, for there he feels safe, he feels warm. They burn his flesh and tear his limbs, yet he smiles, yet he laughs, because the pain means he's home. She stands beside him, crying. She wants a better life for him, a better future, but she knows there is little she can do. So she steps closer, putting her arms around his shoulders, and whispering the words she spoke right before she inhaled her last breath. They are instantly transported back to the past, back to a reality where he was so happy, and she was still alive. They have one day, exactly one day before she has to go back, before she is gone again. Tell me, is one day enough to change your life?

Hungry for that flesh of yours...

I knew the final stretch would be hard, but I never imagined how many things would change during the last six months. It seems like a lifetime ago that I was walking through the streets, not really knowing who I was, and where I wanted to go. But look at me now and who I've become. Can you see the differences? The subtle as well as the obvious changes? I fell to pieces and I rebuilt myself into something I still can't quite recognise. This person that stares at me in the mirror, he seems so ... sure, so calm. I wonder if that's how the world sees me as well. I started writing to escape the life I was given, and create fantasy worlds, where I could do and be anything I wanted. Now it looks like the fantasy has become a burden, and life the gift. And even when I am faced with the pain of letting go, I tell myself I should not be too sad because it is over, I should smile because it happened, and if it happened once, it can for sure happen again.

You're a falling star...

There are some stories that even catch me by surprise. It was as if everything led to that moment, and if I know the universe as good as I think I do, than that was probably the plan all along. It wasn't perfect, there were bumps in the road, things that went wrong, but now it is my story forever and I'm happy I got to experience it with someone like you. I cannot feel too sad after a week like this one, even though circumstances forced us to say goodbye, it was as it was always meant to be. I think I finally understand, I think I finally see the bigger picture of the journey I was placed upon. The mist has cleared and I am starting to get used to the warmth of the sunlight on my skin. It has been so long since I felt it, since I lived it, and now that it's here, nothing else really matters.

He stood there and waved farewell, holding back his tears with all his might. As the train set off, he felt a surge down his spine. Quiet, powerful. He exhaled unlike ever before, and then ... he smiled, for he knew that he was given everything he asked for and then some. It might not have come when he wanted it, or how he wanted it, but it did arrive. With full force it knocked everything to the ground and shoke the earth beneath his feet. Laying on his back he realised there was no more pain, no more regret, just the everlasting memory of that one single night.

I found love in a crazy place...

You're every minute of my everyday.

Holding you closer than most...

Just a drop in the ocean,

a change in the weather,

I'm still praying that you and me might end up together.

A few more hours more, and it's time to go,

and as my train rolls down the east coast,

I wonder how you keep warm,

it's too late to cry, too broken to move on.

This might be it for me...

We locked eyes after a week of working together, and somehow we knew. Well at least I did. I was in love, without question or fear. The fact that in a few days you will be leaving to the other edge of the world, and I will start the beginning of my new path, did not stop me from falling for you. And as I awoke today, I realised the feelings that rush through my veins, are more intense than ever. There's something about you, something so ... beautiful. It's not even your smile or how well you are built, it's more about how you make me change the way I see the world. It's about how honourable you are, in a world where dignity is almost impossible to hold on to. The fact that I could fall in love with someone like you, even though heartache is guaranteed, makes me really proud of myself. I am not afraid, for I have grown enough to know that life is more than happy ever after. It's the pain of the journey, the hardship of failure, and the euphoria of getting to the end.

We are more than the life we live...

It's like an experiment really. One I'm starting to immensely enjoy. It's kind of like a sculpture. I mold it, shape it, make it strong, but at the end of the day I have no idea how it will turn out. Will it be a masterpiece, or just another of my failed attempts? I think I just have to remember that you can look at a statue from different angles, and even though some parts might not be perfect, others may take my breath away. It's staggering how much I have gained and how I'm more confident than ever that I have nothing to lose.

He used to think he was the strangest person in the world, but then he realised there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like him, who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways he was. He imagines these people and wonders if they are thinking of him too. He imagines their faces, and the road they had to overcome. He imagines how one day, they shall meet and instantly connect, form great bonds, which shall forever remain intertwined. So if you are out there, then know that he is here, and just as strange as you.