I'm not good at being who I think I am.
There are days when I feel like I'm not as special, not as talented, not as unique as I imagine I am or would hope to be. I always sensed that I had something to say, something to contribute, something to help fill the void of the world we live in. But perhaps my entire life has led to my current realization, to the acknowledgement that in fact I'm not meant for anything great. Neither grand love nor a meaningful life. Because what was once before me - an exciting, mysterious future - is now behind me. Lived; understood; disappointing. I have struggled into existence, now I am slowly fading out of it. Perhaps this is everyone's experience, a point we all reach at different times. But since I've never been good at letting go, this thing that is not a blog being a complete and utter testament to that, I have decided to ignore the signs, to blindly follow a path that has proven to lead me nowhere, to embrace my naivete and simply go down like only fools can. I shall laugh instead of cry, I shall wallow in pride instead of self-pity, I shall keep on writing even though those who understood and cared are long since gone.
