Facing the darkest days...

I try not to think too much about the future because I can't seem to phantom how this could have a happy ending. It's just all too much - too much to bear, too much to grasp, too much to hold on to. I've never faced such circumstances before and I'm not sure how to proceed. Everything holds so much promise, it would be a pity if it turned to dust. I wanted so much, and now as my life unfolds I wonder what percentage of what I wished for will actually come to fruition? If even anything at all.

The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - the longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are. It is this sunset that I watch day after day. I project it into every person I meet, every scenario I am in, and I hope that its rays burn away my flesh and reveal my soul. That I find myself amidst the ash and undoubtedly start being born anew - kinder, gentler, smarter, funnier, more beautiful, a tiny bit more daring, and infinitely more profound.