Hot ash, darkened skies...

It's dangerous to fall in love,

but I want to burn with you tonight.

Hurt me, there's two of us

bristling with desire.

The pleasure's pain and fire burn me.

So come on,

I'll take you on, take you on.

I ache for love, ache for us,

why don't you come?

Don't you come a little closer?

So come on now,

strike the match, strike the match now.

We're a perfect match, perfect somehow.

We were meant for one another,

come a little closer.

A perfect match, perfect somehow...

As another months passes by, I feel as if the march has only begun. There is still so much more I need to do, need to achieve, need to become. I try to navigate my circumstances with as much grace as I can mutter up, yet even I am prone to falter beneath my lesser instincts. My willpower fades and I find solace in knowing that I am not alone - you are with me, whether I can see you or not. You are my escape, and as much as I'd like to believe I can make it all on my own, deep down I have no issue admitting that without you I am lost. Without you, I am no one of importance, no one you'd remember, no one you'd love.

There is a difference between saying goodbye and letting go. Goodbye is not permanent. You can meet years later as old friends and share what happened in your life. You can smile and laugh about all the nonsense that you both went through, the perils you faced, the joys you had. However, letting go is being okay with never seeing this person ever again, being okay with never knowing how their life turned out, being okay with fifty or more years of silence, being okay with running into that person at a grocery store and having them not acknowledge your presence. This is the part of life that doesn't sit well with him and never will. It tears his heart to pieces, robs him of gratitude, drains him of anything positive and eats at the faith that holds on.

Burn with me tonight...

Before you can live, a part of you has to die. It has to be washed away and never thought of again. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You need to pile all these things up, take a match and light the biggest fire the world has ever seen. You have to accept that you can’t change past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. Sometimes there is no clearer answer than the simple truth that there are certain things that are just not meant to be. When you finally recognize this reality, then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness. You will understand what it means to be alone, and what it means to let go. From that point on, you will finally be free.

Fire meet gasoline...

A peculiar case of endless spring...

I need to learn to have patience with everything that remains unsolved in my heart - and as it has been the case so far, those come in a greater number than I would dare to admit. I need to teach myself to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. I mustn't look for the answers where there are none to be found. They cannot be given to me because I am not yet ready to live them. In truth, it is a question of experiencing everything while allowing yourself to miss out on things you'll regret. All I know is that at present I need to live for the question. The why's, how's and who's. Perhaps then I will gradually, without even noticing it, find myself experiencing the answer, some distant day, and smiling with all my heart, for I shall be certain that I did it right, that I did it my way.

The heroes of our time...

Don’t tell the gods I left a mess,

I can’t undo what has been done,

so let’s run for cover.

What if I’m the only hero left?

You better fire off your gun,

once and forever.

He said go dry your eyes,

and live your life like there is no tomorrow,

and tell the others to go sing it like a hummingbird,

the greatest anthem ever heard.

We are the heroes of our time,

but we’re dancing with the demons in our minds.

Wayfaring boy with a growing spark...

Until I'm seventy...

He is frightened that his life is taking a turn towards somewhere he cannot fully grasp. There were other roads he wanted to walk, other people he wanted to hold in his arms, and dream as they run wild in his imagination. As it seems, life offers no second chances, and the journey we are on, is the only one we get. Changing its trajectory would require an awfully big adventure down the rabbit hole, and while de did it once before, in this moment in time, he feels he is too old for such risks. Life has already shaped him into an individual with responsibilities - people that rely on him for comfort and love, for friendship and companionship, for guidance and a shoulder to cry on. He can't just leave like he did all those years ago. Right? There's no way he could simply buy a ticket towards anywhere and venture onward without saying goodbye. He couldn't do that? Could he?

Kiss him under the light of a thousand stars...

Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.

Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing we won't tell you about ourselves if we trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray us, reject us or devalue us, we become the worse type of person. We don't want to hurt other people. It's against our very nature. We want to make amends and undo the wrongs we did, because our life is a wave of highs and lows. We live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings, and we are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. We need the most love anyone can give us because our soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what we have to go through in life, we remain the most compassionate people worth knowing, and the ones that often become activists for the broken hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. We are angels with broken wings - but angels nonetheless.

Your head on my beating heart...

Part of her plan...

It's funny how time passes so quickly, It was on this very day, exactly one year ago, that somehow, in this strange and unpredictable world, our paths got interwoven, and ever since I've held you in my loving arms. I know it may not be appropriate, nor very mature of me, but I see no reason to hold back, especially here in front of all of you. I shall shout my love, if only to make sure my voice wasn't swallowed by the sheer magnitude of my emotions. I'd like to think I swept you off your feet, but in truth you did the same with me, and perhaps it is in these rarest of instances, when love is neither desired or sought after, neither selfish or plain, neither a game or a quest to win, that two souls can truly come together and not be one, but rather independent parts of a greater entity. One that shines ever so brightly - one that makes this boy whole.

I'm thinking out loud...

When your legs don't work like they used to before,

and I can't sweep you off of your feet,

will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70,

and, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23,

and I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways.

Maybe just the touch of a hand,

well, me - I fall in love with you every single day,

and I just wanna tell you I am.

The world we brought to life...

When your mind wants to bolt, but your heart hangs on, it is because you don’t know with absolute certainty what the truth is. When you waste so much time on something that you want to believe is true, you begin to over-think things. Eventually, something obvious becomes twisted into something absurd, which keeps us from believing a simpler answer. Over time, you believe your own lies and fantasies to shield yourself from hurt, when following what is logical would have been the quickest way to healing. It is through your own self-imposed delusions that you lose your perspective. The world then becomes different to you when in fact you are different. Everyone wants to feel special. Everyone wants to have faith in others. Everyone wants to believe in fairy tales, happy endings and have all bad interactions with others explained. It is easier to sit in denial with your delusions and pray the universe will intervene, not realizing it already has. 

Never knew it could mean so much...

Love me like you do...

Our blank space...

There is nothing on earth more beautiful to him than your smile, no sound sweeter than your laughter, no pleasure greater than holding you in his arms. He realized today that he could never live without you, stubborn little hellion that you are. In this life and the next, you’re his only hope of happiness. Tell him, dearest love, how did you reach so far inside his heart?

I love you, I thought, as I looked into your eyes. I love every part of you, every thought and word - the entire complex, fascinating bundle of all the things you are. I want you with ten different kinds of need at once. I love all the seasons of you, the way you are now, the thought of how much more beautiful you'll be in the decades to come. I love you for being the answer to every question my heart could ask. And while it took me all this time to realise, now that I've capitulated, it seems as the easiest thing in the world. It feels natural and right. Though I'm still not certain if I am surrendering to you or to my own passion, only that there is no more holding back. I am taking you for myself, and I would give you everything I have, every part of my soul, even the broken pieces I never thought I would reclaim.