Through the smokescreen of the crowd...

A star falls from the sky and sets the sky ablaze until it finally lands in your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. It sways with the rhythm of your heart and it whispers secrets long thought forgotten. Then comes a day, when your body can no longer sustain the weight of the star, and you are forced to put it back into the sky. And it's the most painful thing you'll ever have to do and that you've ever done, because something that was so inherently part of you, is now suddenly gone. But what you mustn't forget is that something that was truly yours can never be taken away. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands, you will always feel its impact. Then perhaps one day day, it'll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won't have to put it back in the sky again. You'll be strong enough to keep it, nurture it, and never let it go.

City of stars...

There has never been a greater time than now. Never before has so much been at stake. Never before did the top of the mountain seem so attainable, with so much to gain, and with so much happiness across the spectrum. As I look around the frozen wastelands, I see glimmers of stars reflecting from the snow and I realise that everything is so magical, so serene, so wonderful ... including me. With all our imperfections and flaws and endless insecurities, we are perfect in the way we are able to connect and form this crazy thing they said is life. We get to define it with our actions, with how we treat one another, with our innate ability to find light even in the darkest of voids. We get to live life, all the while watching how it is taken away. And that, I've realised, is the most beautiful thing I can imagine.

He is not a broken heart, and he is not defeat. He is not the miles he ran to get away from himself and he is not the way he cried under the tree with the sky falling and the smell of tears and cigarettes. He is not his delusions and his demons. He is muscles building cells, a little every day, because they broke that day, but bones are stronger once they heal. He is smiling to the people who pass him by and trying his hardest to act like an adult. He is the way a life unfolds and blooms and seasons come and go and he is the way spring always finds a way to turn even the coldest winter into a field of green and flowers and new life. But most importantly, he is on his way, and nothing will stop him.

Running out of time...

His paradise and war zone...

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. 

Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. 

Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me ... 

Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.

"I think ... I think I may be invincible", I said with that sly, stupid smile on my face, and in that moment I didn't even realise how right I was. Because I have finally learnt that I need never be hopeless, because I will never be irreparably broken. I cannot be born, and I cannot die. Like all energy, I can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations - transform into something that once was, and will be again. I've forgotten that for awhile, because I got scared of losing and failing. But now I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am greater than the sum of my parts which cannot begin and cannot end, and so I cannot fail. I cannot fail at all.

Singing to tiny dancers...

I still remember these old country lanes...

I found my heart and broke it here,

made friends and lost them through the years,

and I've not seen the roaring fields in so long,

I know I've grown,

and I can't wait to go home.

Driving at ninety...

There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. They will warn you against it, say it is ludicrous to even phantom, and try to crush your spirit with the damning presence of reality. They will say it has never been done before. That you, just a person without any merit, cannot think to reach so far. When all of that happens, and you feel as if no one is beside you, except your instinct - when that happens, you do it. Listen to your gut and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it. Who knows ... you might just make it.

Castle on the hill...

More than anything, the year to come shall decide what fate and pride have wrought. As I plummet myself with full speed towards my destiny - whatever it may be, I find that all the lessons I have learned in the past serve as vigilant guides. They steer me left and right, reminding me that any pothole can be overcome, and fighting off the magnetic pull of the void is easier when one is not battling demons within. I shall march ahead pretending that it was my destiny all along, and if I stumble and fall beneath the pressure, I shall smile and move on, for failure too is life. I never quite pictured myself standing at the edge of glory, and so confidently letting the breeze sway my thick brown hair, ignoring the fact that it might push me down the cliff and into the abyss. I guess I have changed - more than I expected, perhaps even more than I dare to admit. What remains forever the same though, is my primal loneliness, this thing that is not a blog, and that same old stupid grin on my face.