Friday, March 22, 2019

Making dire moves...

Fuck this. Fuck this wondering. Fuck this trying and trying for the sake of not giving up. Fuck this belief that you have to always strive to be ideal. Fuck this helplessness. Fuck this waiting for something to happen that probably won't ever happen. Fuck that. 


I have tried forever to stop being vulnerable, but it's not going to happen, so, fuck it, I'll just embrace it. And how many times have I let myself be overwhelmed by fear, I can't even count. But always, I have found the determination to overcome it. Being exposed has made me the artist I am today and continues to be part of my daily existence. How else could I open my heart and create? Worrying about not being good enough or being terrified to start a new project brings out the anxiety. So I guess I’ll embrace that too. Being courageous has brought me rewards I will never forget. From being able to travel the globe to realizing I could handle trauma in my family with strength I didn't know I had. All I can hope for is that I continue to allow myself to be open. To face my fears and go on with audacity. Maybe when facing my very human nature, I strip off my armor and adopt tenacity and valor with an open heart. Maybe that is the ultimate act of bravery.