I know I'll be alright...

If I had a great big mansion,

I'd rather live in a shot gun shack with you.

If I drove a red farari,

I'd rather ride in an oldsmobile with you.

If I won a million dollars,

I'd give it away to spend more time with you.

If I had a million lovers,

I would trade em all for just one more night with you.

With you I can be myself,

with you I don't have to be somebody else.

It's like putting on my favorite pair of shoes,

I'd like to be with me, when I'm with you.

Like ice in the summer heat...

When you lose something you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, the bad news is that you never completely get over such a loss. But this is also the good news. It lives forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly - that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp. So wash off the day in the shower. Have a glass of wine or your favourite whiskey. Stare through your window and admire the night-sky. Close your eyes and think of everything you will one day still do. Notice how everything around you is silent. Notice how your heart is still beating - despite it all.

If I could sail across the ocean...

I understand addiction now. I never did before, you know. How could someone do something so self-destructive, knowing that they're hurting not only themselves, but the people they love? It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that step. Just stop. It's so simple, really. But as so often happens with me, my arrogance kept me from seeing the truth of the matter. I see it now though.

This cannot end well. That's the crux of the matter. I've been down this road before - you know I have - and there's only heartache at the end. There's no happy ending waiting for me like there was for them. If I stay here, I will become restless and angry. It's happening already, and I cannot stop it. I'm becoming bitter and terribly resentful. Before long, I will be intolerable, and eventually, they'll leave me as all the ones before. But if I do what I have to do, what my very nature compels me to do, and move on, the end is no better. One way or another, you'll all be gone. Is it not wiser to end it now then, before it gets to that point? Is it not better to accept that this happiness I have is destined to self-destruct? Tomorrow I will leave. Tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable. Tomorrow I will quit lying to myself, and to everyone else. Tomorrow.

Life has a way of driving me crazy

It's dreamy, wished it on a genie...

You know better than myself that I am growing older and will soon be old. If you can, please keep me from becoming too talkative, and especially from the unfortunate habit of thinking that I must say something on every subject and at every opportunity. Release me from the idea that I must straighten out other peoples' affairs. With my immense treasure of experience and wisdom, it seems a pity not to let everybody partake of it. But if anyone, you know that in the end I will need a few friends. Grant me the patience to listen to the complaints of others; help me to endure them with charity. I will not ask thee for improved memory, only for a little more humility and less self-assurance when my own memory doesn't agree with that of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be wrong. Keep me reasonably gentle. I do not have the ambition to become a saint - it is so hard to live with some of them - but a harsh old person is one of the devil's masterpieces. Make me sympathetic without being sentimental, helpful but not bossy. Let me discover merits where I had not expected them, and talents in people whom I had not thought to possess any. And, please, give me the grace to tell them so.

Everyone keeps a darker place...

As his sufferings mounted he soon realized that there were two ways in which he could respond to his situation - either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. He decided to follow the latter course. And as he did, he felt like his heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted him to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and he tried to, he wanted to, but he just had to lie in the mud with his arms wrapped around himself, eyes closed, grieving, until he didn't have to anymore.

I have to start somewhere...

Yesterday felt like my graduation

but now some of those kids have got their own.

Been a while since I took a vacation,

it's been a while since I really let go.

Don't wanna look back,

thinking I could've done this

or I could've tried that.

Don't wanna look back

because it's going by fast.

I'ma call my mother,

it's been a while since I've been home.

Take a trip in the summer,

see all the lights in Tokyo.

Get lost in the desert,

just to see what I can find,

so when it's my time,

I'm smiling when I die.

Keep it moving...

Someone I don't know...

Living with life is very hard. Mostly we do our best to stifle it - to be tame or to be wanton. To be tranquillised or raging. Extremes have the same effect; they insulate us from the intensity of life. And extremes - whether of dullness or fury - successfully prevent feeling, which can sometimes be so unbearable that we employ ingenious unconscious strategies to keep those feelings away. We do a swap, where we avoid being sad or lonely or afraid or inadequate, and feel angry instead. It can work the other way, too - sometimes you do need to feel angry, not inadequate; sometimes you do need to feel love and acceptance, and not the tragic drama of your life.

Virtues in times like these can be too difficult as well. Look how old we are and we've hardly made a dent in them. I'll admit, I seem to have zeal nailed, as well as faith and temperance. Self control? I've got my doubts based on my recent actions. I'm also not seeing as much kindness, love or generosity, either. That humility thing seems to be pretty far beyond my reach, too. Really, really far. I can freely admit, from what I can see from recent events, the sin of pride is a major component of my character. I should have these things pretty well ticked off my shopping list by now. I'm quite disappointed in myself. Quite.

I want my house in the hills...

Some things just never change...

There is no need to search; achievement leads to nowhere. It makes no difference at all, so just be happy now. Love is the only reality of the world, because it is all that we can really see. And the only laws are paradox, humor and change. There is no problem, never was, and never will be. Release your struggle, let go of your mind, throw away your concerns, and relax into the world. No need to resist life, just do your best. Open your eyes and see that you are far more than you imagine. You are the world, you are the universe; you are yourself and everyone else, too. It's all a marvelous play. Wake up, regain your humor. Don't worry, you are already free.

Good as hell...

In one way, I suppose, I have been in denial for some time, knowingly burning the candle at both ends and finding that it often gives a lovely light. But for precisely that reason, I can't see myself smiting my brow with shock or hear myself whining about how it's all so unfair: I have been taunting the universe into sending Armageddon in my direction and have now succumbed to something so predictable and banal that it bores even me. I think this year has to simply end. I know it's still far gone, but I literally feel both fulfilled and spent, filled with joy and sadness, accomplishment and regret, and I somehow need to figure out how that can be.

Back to the ocean, back to the city lights...

Once upon a time, it was paradise,

once upon a time, I was paralyzed,

Think I'm gonna miss these harbor lights,

but it's time to let it go.

Once upon a time, it was made for me,

woke up one day, it had turned to dust.

I was found, but now I'm lost,

so it's time to let it go.

Seasons came and changed the time...

They shot me down...

It's hard to be great...

Maybe each human being lives in a unique world, a private world different from those inhabited and experienced by all other humans. And if reality differs from person to person, can we speak of it as singular? And if there are plural realities, are some more true, more real than others? 

Last night I wept like I was a child once more. I wept and shed my skin, because the process by which I am becoming an adult and a man is more painful than I could have ever imagined. I wept because I was no longer a child with blind faith into the good of the world and kindness of people. I wept because my eyes were opened to the harsh reality of the world - how it holds no prisoners and leaves you wanting and alone. I wept because I could not believe anymore and I love to believe in the balance of life. That everything has a meaning and reason. I wept because I have lost my pain and I am not yet accustomed to its absence.