If I could sail across the ocean...

I understand addiction now. I never did before, you know. How could someone do something so self-destructive, knowing that they're hurting not only themselves, but the people they love? It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that step. Just stop. It's so simple, really. But as so often happens with me, my arrogance kept me from seeing the truth of the matter. I see it now though.

This cannot end well. That's the crux of the matter. I've been down this road before - you know I have - and there's only heartache at the end. There's no happy ending waiting for me like there was for them. If I stay here, I will become restless and angry. It's happening already, and I cannot stop it. I'm becoming bitter and terribly resentful. Before long, I will be intolerable, and eventually, they'll leave me as all the ones before. But if I do what I have to do, what my very nature compels me to do, and move on, the end is no better. One way or another, you'll all be gone. Is it not wiser to end it now then, before it gets to that point? Is it not better to accept that this happiness I have is destined to self-destruct? Tomorrow I will leave. Tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable. Tomorrow I will quit lying to myself, and to everyone else. Tomorrow.