The sky was so blue I couldn't look at it because it made me sad, swelling tears in my eyes being pushed back by the sheer determination to never appear weak or sad as I go on with my day. I tried to keep my focus, ticked off the to-do list, did my chores. Kissed my love goodbye, chatted with my co-workers, wrote emails, paid bills and rewrote stories, but the panic kept growing, exploding in my chest. Tears all tried up in my eyes. Tick. Tick. Tick. The passing of time is the only thing I can hear clearly, despite not knowing what the hell to do. Where to go or who to see and I try to be gentle, soft and kind, but anxiety eats me up and I just want to be fine. Yet there is a limit to thinking about even a small piece of something monumental. You still see the shadow of the whole rearing up behind you, and you become lost in your thoughts in part from the panic of realising the size of that imagined leviathan.
