In the proper sense, this is not a standard blog. It is what one might call "an exploration of self". Without the cringe. What I am searching for - with increasing clarity as the years progress - is something akin to the heart's natural resonance. I try to listen to it. Have conversations with it, where I am the interviewer and he the interviewee. But what I often heard were the vibrations of my soul. Something I could never quite decipher, but always fully understood. I recognised it as having long been a part of me, and at other times it came as a complete surprise. Like a long held breath waiting to be exhaled or a flicker of light trying to push away the darkness.
It became clear he could not start something without finishing it. If he climbed onto the boundary wall, he was compelled to walk the entire way, no matter the obstructions in his path. This compulsion, applied to other fields, manifested itself as an obsession. Almost as a psychosis, because something always led to something else, another goal, a process, of course, that could never be completed. This route through early life gave him no small portion of distress, and, indeed, it seemed at first that his desires and his capacities were basically always misaligned. Now he is starting to think if this is perhaps his greatest asset. Wasn't it possible that what he mistook for lunacy was in fact simply a very pure manifestation of who his truly is? Of who he can truly become?
