One day, the strain...

Just when I thought I had banished it forever ... there it was, a flash out of nowhere. That gnaw in my stomach, deepening my pit of discontent. As I look around, think about the life I have already lived and what still awaits me, I am engulfed by dread and anxiety. I have not done enough, and it seems I either lack resolve for my goals, or the world shoves its inequality down my throat. How can I ever hope to achieve all my hearts desires, with so many lurking choices, possibilities to fail and opportunities to succumb to the mundane? And on top of all that, be there and support the ones I choose to love?

The beginning of universal displacement I always experience as a swell lurching up from unseen depths, similar to the physical sensation of standing waist-high in the sea when there are no waves but all of a sudden the great body of water heaves itself up as if the planet has shifted a fraction on its axis. That was the signal for me that the nature of reality was about to terrifyingly change. Then, suddenly, time stops: past, present and future exist as a single overwhelming force. And that is the truly horrid thing. I am subsumed. Buried, as beneath an avalanche, by the weight of simultaneous events.