Under the surface...

He sometimes misses the intensely intimate relationship he had with the universe. It's not completely gone and he tries his hardest to maintain it, but as he grows older he finds less and less opportunities to speak with himself and despite everything, he still doesn't think of it as his betrayer. He misses the universe who was his friend and he has an idea that one day it might be possible for them to truly reunite. This wild thought has set him wandering, trying to find the balance between earth and sky. Between reason and delusion. 

The sea had jeeringly kept his finite body up, but drowned the infinite of his soul. Not drowned entirely, though. Rather carried down alive to wondrous depths, where strange shapes of the unwrapped primal world glided to and from before his passive eyes; wisdom revealed his hoarded heaps; and among the joyous, heartless, ever-juvenile eternities, he saw the universe - omnipresent. He saw its foot upon the treadle of the loom, and spoke it; and therefore they called him mad. So his insanity is heaven’s sense; and wandering from all mortal reason, he comes at last to that celestial thought, which, to reason, is absurd and frantic; and weal or woe, feels compromised, indifferent as the answer to every questions he has ever asked.