I'll just keep chasing pavements...

Ne prepoznam več odseva v ogledalu,

že zdavnaj ne več.

Somewhere over the rainbow...

It has begun. There's no going back this time. It shall either be the beginning of the rest of my life, or the beginning of the end. I've long given up on trying to decide which one I prefer, because of late I've realised that both will be of equal magnitude. It's almost overwhelming actually. I've grown so accustomed to fight against it, and now that it's staring me right in the face, I'm petrified of it. What if this is not who I'm supposed to be? What if I'm just confused? As I raise all these questions, one thing is clear. The answers are long overdue. I need to know once and for all, I need to be sure without a shadow of a doubt. Then if I fail, I'll do so unlike ever before. With screams as loud as thunder and tears as heavy as November rain.

I've been thinking lately why we became so close over the last few months. When our story began, when we met, I would have never thought we would end up here. But now that we have, I'm starting to question our motives. I was looking for someone to replace the friend I had lost, and you've done that, and so much more. I really could not have asked for a better outcome. But now I wonder, what drove you? And if it's what I think it is, then it would explain why you're having such a problem with what I'm trying to do now. It would explain many things, even those we decided to bury.

Če bistvo nobene zgodbe ni v tem, kako se je začela, kaj je potem bistvo najine?

For me it still isn't over...

Whoever said if you build it they will come, was dead on wrong. The truth is, tear it down, and they'll come running.                                                                                                                                             -
I cannot think about my decisions anymore. I cannot look into the future and imagine what my life is going to look like. Because if I do, I know I would break down. I just have to keep going, I have to keep moving and maybe I'll be able to finish on top. I don't know if I'm making the right choices, and at this point, I don't even care anymore. I see people pass me by, as shadows I'll never get to know, and as I watch them walk beside me, sometimes I wish one of them would stay. I can't believe that after all these years, I'm still asking for the same thing. It just goes to show I was right all along and that indeed the more things change, the more they stay the same.

I think I'm at the edge again. But this time I'm not waiting for the courage to jump, I'm waiting for someone to jump with me. Perhaps I wait in vain, as I have countless times before, yet when my gaze sets upon the gloomy sunset, I can't help but feel optimistic. That is my curse, I've come to realise. Forever a dreamer and a fool who believes in happy ever after. A hopeless romantic at heart has no place in this cold and desolate world, I know. The thought scares me beyond reason, and the sheer amount of willpower it takes to keep standing, is overwhelming. The truth shall soon enlighten every fiber of my being. I only hope there's enough of me left, to shine.