The choice was never really mine to make...

Goodbye, farewell, so long...

You know, maybe there are some friendships that aren't meant to be saved. Maybe we're meant to spend a certain part of our lives with certain people and then move on. It's nobody's fault really, well actually it's yours. After all this time, I still feel like I'm asking you to be my friend. You never fought for me, and come to think of it, no one ever has. You never made me feel like I was a priority. I don't expect to be one all the time, but once in a while, heck once in three months, I need to feel like you actually give a damn...

I hope you know you were my best friend. Even though tonight I said goodbye, I should have said more. Thanks for the best time of my life. I'm not angry anymore. It is what it is I guess. You might think I'm overreacting, but I just don't have the strength anymore. You've let me down too many times. It's time to let go. But to let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or to ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride, and it's not about how you appear, and it's not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat...

To let go is to cherish memories, to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence for the future. Letting go is learning, experiencing, and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, boy did we laugh, that made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path and let yourself be free...

Can't find a reason to keep holding on...

I have a confesion to make. I didn't like you very much at first, you were just this annoying adult, who kept telling me what to do, and it always seemed like you didn't have much interest in me, which I of course found vaguely insulting. It was just you against the world. So I cruised along doing my thing, acting like a fool - as only a child can, not really understaning how knowing you, how being your friend, how being your flesh and blood changes you forever in the deepest way one can imagine...

And I don't remember the exact moment everything changed, I just know that it did. One minute I was unpenetrable, the next my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements. Loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience in my life. In fact it's been almost too much to bear. When I found out you got sick, I made a silent vow to protect you, never realising that I was the one who would end up hurting you the most...

When you grow older, a dreadful, horrible sensation will come over you. It's called loneliness, and you think you know what it is now, but you don't. Because you can be surrounded by countless people, yet you can still be alone. I care for nothing anymore, and everything at the same time. Noble in thought, weak in action. Something has to change, something has to give. It's getting dark, too dark too see...

The best feeling in the universe is knowing that you finally took a step in the right direction, a step towards the future where everything you never thought possible, is possible. Sometimes we spend so much time and effort trying to believe in something, that we forget to step back and look at the big picture of our life. And the thing we must never forget is that courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: I will try again tomorrow...

I will go down with this ship...

And when we meet again,

which I'm sure we will,

all that was there,

will be here still.

I promise I'm not trying

to return to where things were,

and I know this makes no sense

but destruction has come back again.

Torn between two,

who would you choose?

The one who you love,

or the one who loves you?

The boy with the dragon tattoo...

There are so many sayings out there about doing what you want. But what about when what you want isn't the right thing to do? What about the consequences, the realities, the people who get hurt in the process? Don't we have to think of them? What if you're not getting what you want, but you're getting enough? Do you risk it all to get it all, or do you stay in place? Do we have to reach for happiness or can we settle for content? And what if what we want, doesn't want us? What's to be said for desire? It's not concrete; it can't be held or promised. It could be fleeting. So what if we give up what we have and we're left with nothing? Is it wrong to be that selfish? So tell me where does the line lay, and when is it okay to cross it?

Impossible is just a big word thrown around, by small men who find it easier to live in the world they've been given, then to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration, it's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing...

There's a huge difference between giving up and letting go. Because giving up is sacrificing what was rightfully yours, but letting go, is forgetting what never was. Remember those walls I built? Well, they're tumbling down and they didn't even put up a fight, they didn't even make a sound. And finally I've realised that the goal is not to live forever, the goal is to create something that will...

A piece of work...

You can't get hit by lightning, if you're not standing out in the rain. You have to learn the rules of the game, and then play it better than anyone else. We all dream for something bigger; something bigger than this miniscule life we're leading. But where do we draw the line? How do we decide what is good enough? And how do we decide if we should dream bigger?

The days will always be brighter because she existed. The nights will always be darker because she's gone. And no matter what anybody says about grief and about time healing all wounds, the truth is: there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken. Bottom line; even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. The big moments are gonna come and they'll keep on coming. You can't help that. It's what you do after that counts, that's when you find out who you are and what kind of a life you're capable of leading...

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;

because a could-be is a maybe, who is reaching for a star.

I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;

for a might have-been has never been, but a has, was once an are...

Lying is so much better than telling the truth...

Some people write fairytales, some are lucky enough to live them, a few don't even know what a fairytale is. As for me, I make my own rules. If I don't like something from my past, I change it. Because if we want to be the person we dream about, we have to make sure that the road we came from, leads to where we want to go...

You're nobody until someone cares...

And here it goes. I know you've moved on, moved on for good, but there are things you don't know, things that I don't show; things that I hide inside. I know to you it seems like I didn't care, seems like I was never there, but there was never once a day that you didn't cross my mind. And believe me, if I could go back, I would, but things are different now. Time caught up with us and broke us apart, because now you found someone else. But that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is that you left me and that I left you, with words unspoken and a story unread...

Words that are still trying to escape my heart and reach out to you, words that don't notice that time has past; words that still have meaning. You still cross my mind a million times a day and even when I'm sleeping, I can still hear your voice telling me how much you love me or how much you miss me. It's when I'm reminiscing about you and dreaming about us, that everything feels right in the world...

But when reality hits me, it just kills me. And the thing that bothers me the most is that all of this could have been prevented if I had just said something or done something, and the only thing that doesn't bother me is that I've learned a valuable lesson; you don't really know what you got until it's gone...

I'm living in the past with the new generation...

Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to make sure you still can. And as the years go by, the time, it really does fly. Every single moment passes so quickly, it seems like nothing. But when you're looking back, it amounts to everything...

It's sad when people you know become people you knew; when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life, how you use to be able to talk for hours and how now you can barely even look at them. Who ever said it's impossible to miss what you never had, never almost had you. Life doesn't give you the people you want, it gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be...

Sometimes it just takes patience for everything to happen. You won't get respect in just one day, you can't be in love with someone that you just met and you won't be able to forgive yourself in a second. So look between the lines, read between the words, and know that the most important things are left unsaid and unheard...

Live the life of your dreams...

For as long as I can remember, all I wanted was to be free. It's what we all want, it's what we all crave, it's the light at the end of the tunnel, which keeps us sane. We dream of the days, when we'll be free to be anyone, to do anything. If I've learned anything in these past few months is that freedom isn't only a goal, it's a way of life. We want it so much because the alternative seems so grim - letting yourself be a slave. But tell me something, is it slavery when you get what you want?

I didn't ask for it to be over, but then again, I never asked for it to begin either. For that is the way it is with life, as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance, but even the most beautiful days have their sunsets. Everything shifts eventually. That's just the way our existence unfolds, and we have no control over it. Like suddenly, people who you always thought would be there, they just disappear...

People die, they move away, they grow up. And when they do, they leave a part of themselves behind. Knowing all of this makes me feel sad because I realised that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened...

I've always liked the time before dawn; there's nobody around to remind me who I am supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who I am...

Won the race, but lost my mind...

I guess it's time to move on, isn't it? What could have been, what should have been; all that is meaningless because in the end, it isn't. It's funny how something so ironic can make you so depressed. Yes, we started off happy together, but as our story came to be, we were left broken hearted. Yet I don't understand why you are, why anyone would be with someone if they don't make you smile? I guess I'll step aside and let time heal this one, even though it should have healed a long ago. I know someday I'll have a beautiful life, I know I'll be the sun, the moon, the sky. One day I'll be everything in someone else's eyes...

For what it's worth I think it's never too late, or too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit. You can stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same; there are no rules to this game. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope I’ll make the best of it. And I hope I'll see things that startle me. I hope I’ll feel things I never felt before. I hope I meet people with a different point of view. I hope I live a life I'm proud of. If I find that I'm not, I hope I’ll have the strength to start all over again...

We carry around in our heads these pictures of what our lives are supposed to look like, painted by the brush of our intentions. It's the great, deep secret of humanity that in the end, none of our lives look the way we thought they would. As much as we wish to believe otherwise, most of life is a reaction to circumstances. You're only worth one wish that you'll probably never make. You only get one chance that you know you'll never take, and the dream that's in your heart, and how it sleeps when you're awake, well, you never lived a day...

Before the night is over, shadows fill with doubt...

My life is for rent...

I haven't ever really found a place I call home,

I never stick around quite long enough to make it.

I have no idea what's happened to my dreams,

It's just a thought, only a thought,

because nothing I have is truly mine...

A day like no other...

I know we haven't spoken for awhile, for about three years to be exact. But I was thinking about you, and it kinda made me smile. So many things to say, had to put them on this thing that is not a blog. Thought it might be easier, the words might come out better. How's your mother? Does she still do that overprotective thing of her's? How's that mangy dog of yours, I bet he’d still hate me. So many things I want to know the answers to. Wish I could press rewind, and rewrite every line to the story of me and you. It had so much potential, more than all the others combined.

I just want you to know I'll never forget you. You've changed me in so many ways. I'm a different person because of you and I'm so thankful for having you in my life. It's just that, now, we should move on. So often we fail at that kind of love. The world just seems too fragile of a place for it. Perhaps, it’s just that we are too fragile. We shared our time together, and changed with each other, but now, I just need more. This isn't goodbye, just so long...

You dropped a note and we changed key, you changed yourself and I changed me. There's a line drawn between the beginning and end of anything, and somehow we find hope everytime we cross that line...

Tomorrow we'll see, just how much we believe...

The greatest irony of love; loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life. Sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. So I've decided to let go when I'm hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. Because for sure there is someone out there who will love me even more...

The best moments in reading are when you come across something, a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. It's as if a hand has come out and taken yours. And for the briefest of moments, someone out there understands what's it like, even if it is just an illusion...

People ask me who I am. The answer? I don't really know. A few years ago, I would have said I was a boy who had a clear goal. A few months ago, I would have said I was a boy who loved life with everything I had. Now, I guess you could say I've been through a lot and I've been broken in too many places and too many ways. I guess you could say I'm just trying to find my place...

You only live twice...

Where does a story truly begin? In life there are seldom clear-cut beginnings, those moments where we can, in looking back, say that everything started. Yet there are moments when fate intersects with our daily lives, setting in motion a sequence of events whose outcome we could never had forseen. Some people skip through life; some people are dragged through it. I sometimes wonder whether we are moving through time or if time is moving through us...

Some nights, alone, I think of her. And some nights, alone, she thinks of me, at least I hope she does. Some nights these thoughts, separated by miles, occur at the same objective moment, and we are connected without ever knowing it. Then other days late at night, I think about all the things that have been, all the things that haven't been, and all the things yet to be. I wonder if my heart could explode into a billion tiny pieces and scatter themselves, if I could live on all over the world. I wonder if this world will ever make sense to me, if I will truly understand anything, and if there's really anything to understand at all...

I'll have books and poetry and writing in my life forever, of that I am sure. I'll also have adventures, and love, love above all. But not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, for which there is no cure, come ruin or rupture. Love - like there has never been in a play...