Nothing is real until you completely let it go...

I know part of me wishes it could continue, but it's time for it to end. It's time for me to move on to better things, to new people, to unimaginable experiences. Some things in this world might have passed me by, and I might have missed a chance or two, yet you won't find any regret in my eyes. Today the mighty ocean was tamed. Today I open a new book, a new life. However all that remains in the past shall never be forgotten. Even after everything, I am proud of myself, of my legacy, but mosty I'm proud of growing beyond my fears, beyond my doubts. I'm proud of finally accepting the things I cannot change.

There are no words to describe this moment. To describe how I feel, how I hope, how I lust. I leave with my head held high, and to whom it may concern, I will return, of that I am sure. Perhaps when my heart shall feel again..

Let me hold you for the last time...

Alas, it was as she foretold. Her champion has fallen - defeated by his own creation. The destruction is endless. Raging fires, scorching through all that will soon be forgotten, leaving nothing behind. A wild tempest scatters the ash, which blocks out the sun. Darkness envelops a world once filled with life. It was always meant to end this way, he was always meant to die. For in the end, the echo of his death shall bring forth a new spring, a new creation, one more powerful than ever before. Our hero's demise will not be in vain. He will always be remembered as the one, who almost had it all...

Do you ever have the feeling that life is just passing you by? I'm finishing the last chapter of the beginning of my journey, and I can't even grasp how fast it all went by. It seems like a second has passed since I walked through life, not really knowing what I'm capable of, not really knowing who I can be. Life has taught me many things, yet it always seems to find new lessons, it always seems to know what I need...

Back then, I believed that nobody had ever been so close to the answer, as we were. That nobody in the history of the world, had ever loved so fiercly, or laughed as hard, or cared as much. Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday, sometimes it feels like someone else's memory. Our lives were so full of hope and trust. Now, there's really nothing left to say...

You can't play on broken strings...

I tried to hold on, but it hurts too much,

I tried to forgive, but it's not enough.

It's like chasing the last train,

when there's nothing left to say,

when we both know it's too late.

Running back through fire,

playing in the ruins of us,

yet still, I can't feel anything...

When we drink, we do it right...

Dancing through the street...

The hardest situation I think, is when you're trying to find love and yourself at the same time. It just doesn't seem to fit well. I guess it takes knowing who you are, to know who you want to spend your time with. Combine those two things with an unforgivable past, and you've got yourself one hell of a road ahead. Is it weird that I'm excited? Is it weird that I'm looking forward to the march? If there was any time to be optimistic, this was it. There are so many things I can aspire to, there are so many things I'll still do. Because in the end, the journey is the destination...

I miss reading about your story and how it's unfolding. I know I write this in vain, since you probably don't pay attention anymore, but still, some things need to be said, even if they fall on shallow ground. Perhaps one day, when we look back, all these words will hold some meaning. Maybe they'll even explain everything we never understood about each other. That's the beauty of it, that's the beauty of writing. It helps you revive lost memories and it helps you keep new ones. But most importantly, it gives you strength, it gives you hope, it gives you life...

Were you ever a part of someone's path, when their dream came true? Or when their dream died? If you were, did you ever think you were destined to be there? That you played a specific part, a role no one else could have performed. I'd like to believe I was. I'd like to think I've helped a few lost souls find their way. But the thing about people, is that we never tell each other, how much we appreciate one another. We never seem to thank the people who changed our lives. If only we had infinity...

A freak like me, just needs serenity...

It doesn't feel the same anymore. It doesn't feel right. I just think there's something else I should be doing. The dream was never about this, I always wanted to be someone else. I still do. It's tragic really, because most envy what I have, what I've accomplished. I can't seem to get rid of it. I tried, but I guess there are parts of yourself you cannot banish. I realised today that I'll always be stuck doing this, that I'll always be known as this person - there is no escape. As my mind wanders back to when it all started, I can't help but laugh. I was so sure back then, I was so certain. Now I am left with a regret and a doomed wish, which will haunt me forever.

I talk about situations, I read books, I repeat quotations, I try to make you feel something, anything really. Affirmation is rarely desired, and eternally unforgiving. Somehow everything is going to fall into place. If only I had a way to make it all fall faster. Waiting is hard. Especially for your hearts desire. But I've decided I don't want to wait anymore. I've held my tounge, I've held my mind. Now it's time to set it free. I wonder if I could live with being nobody rather than being somebody I despise. I wonder how strong I would be, I wonder if I would survive.

I am nothing if not impatient, I am nothing if not insecure. I think all I need, all I've ever needed, is someone to fight for me. What I've learned is that it's never too late to apologise and that you're never too weak to change. It's such a strange concept. We're never quite sure who we're becoming, or why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got here.

No pain inside, it's like perfection...

It had never occured to me that our lives, so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed. If I had know, maybe I would have kept a tighter hold. As I return to the only place I ever felt at home, I imagine that this is where everything I once lost is being washed up. I wonder how long I need to wait, until you appear on the horizon. I don't allow myself to fantasise beyond that, I can't let it go further. I remind myself I was lucky to have spent any time with you at all. Yet still, I don't really understand what we've lived through and I feel we didn't have enough time...

The quiet scares me, because it screams the truth. I'm taking this time to figure out what I want, before I throw my life away again. Even though there is a lot left for me to learn, I've finally reached that moment when I know how much I've let go, how much I've grown. I may not be able to look back, and I can't seem to look too far into the future, but one thing is crystal clear - I'm living for myself and no one else.

Falling is the first step when learning how to fly. A lot of people don't know how to get up, so they just give up. The thing is, I've never been a quitter. Fuck fear. Fuck the crowd cheering for you to fail. And most importantly, fuck fate. Sometimes you need to take matters in your own hands. Sometimes you need to ignore all the signs the universe throws at you, and just stick with your heart and never forget to believe. Don't worry about time. The truth is, it's not on our side, it never was, yet that's never stopped us before...

You are the only reason...

I want to be the boy

that laughs the loudest,

I want to be the boy,

who never wants to be alone.

That's the way I want my story to end,

but why do I feel this party's over?

The night is calling,

it whispers: "come and play"

and if I let myself go,

I'm the only one to blame...

It's easy to be Karr, it's harder to be Sean...

This is not the end.

It is not even the beginning of the end.

But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning...

I'm safe up high, nothing can touch me...

If you're going to go through hell, I suggest you learn something while you're down there. Because there's really nothing worse than a wasted opportunity...

Rabim it na morje,

ker morje ne dela razlik.

Rabim še nekoga,

da gre z mano tja,

ker morje, morje ne pozna meja.

Kje si zdej, a?

Nis rekla, da sma neuničljiva?

Ne morš se jokat, če si bla ti tista,

k naju je porinla čez, k naju je ubila.

Kje si zdej, a?

Boš rekla, da ti je useen?

Še tok nisi, da v obraz se mi nasmeješ.

Veš, ni vse v zmagi pa v ponosu,

dost je tud v karakterju pa v odnosu.

Očitno sm jz zdej tist idiot,

k še vedno misl na čase izgublene,

k še vedno ne more vrjet.

Tist idiot, k še upa na razplet.

Čestitam, zmagala si.

Si to hotla slišat?

Čestitam za odlično odigrano vlogo,

čestitam, kr si končno dobila svojo krono.

Ampak lej, to je zdej to, jz grem naprej.

Še zadn poklon, še zadn verz,

da dokončno lahk rečem:

»jz si zaslužm več«

Taking candy from strangers...

When an adventure ends, some find their heroes, others conquer their fears, some even triumph over themselves. It's never an exact day. You just find yourself feeling older, feeling different. We find ourselves moving forward - not closing the book, just turning the page. You learn to forget about those who forgot about you...

We lose the people we take for granted, because the truth is, no one waits forever. The trick is to always keep asking yourself if you're on the right track, if the people around you are worth your time. If you don't, you just might wake up one day and discover that you're on the wrong train...

A day like today, makes me remember how far I've come. How I've met people along the way, who'll probably stay in my life forever. Well maybe not in my life, but surely in my heart. A few years ago I would never admit it, but I couldn't really picture my life without friends. I can't even believe how unimaginable that concept seemed to me. If I only knew back then, all the things I know today, things would have gone differently for sure. But that's the tragedy of life I guess. Always regretting the mistakes we've made, and while we're busy wallowing in self-pity, we make the same mistakes again and again and again...

Feathers in the pages...

My omniscent way of thinking has dug a hole, which traps me here. It's dark and it's scary, like nothing I've seen before. Yet I can't shake the feeling that I've already been here, that I've already survived this trial. The air is filled with missed memories and promises I know I won't keep. I refuse to find shelter as the rain soaks through my very veins. I can endure, I will endure. My fantasy still sparks a humble flame within my soul, keeping me warm. For all I want, for all I've ever wanted, is to walk away from the life they think I lead...

I've decided not to think anymore. I've decided not to wonder or obssess or imagine. What I'll do from now on, is just breathe. Breathe in and breathe out. The future will unfold whether I want it to or whether I dread it. I'll let life lead me for a change. I may not end up where I want, but I'll surely end up where I'm supposed to be. As the rain pours from the sky, while the branches sway, I sit here in the dark, right in the mealstorm, thinking: what a beautiful sight...

Found a way to bloom, another ghost to follow. It said: it's only up to you. That's the hardest pill to swallow. You never get to choose, you live on what they send you. And you know they're gonna use, the things you love against you. That's just the way it goes...

How the lie became my life...

I guess I should have said something, anything. I mean for someone who wants to be a writer, it suddenly seemed like no words had ever been written. There had to be something, I'm sure of it. Something that no one had ever said, something that would make this better. One single word could have changed everything. It might have spread like wild fire. One word, might have saved us both. I'd like to think that, but the truth is, we gave up on each other a long time ago. I thought I knew who you were, I see now you were just a lesson to be learned, and a bridge to be burnt...

Doesn't life just seem like so full of connections? A series of images, which pass us by, creating an endless stream of consciousness, one we're not even aware of. Most of the time we don't even pay attention to the depth of life. We blind ourselves from the complexity of it all, because the flat surfaces seem so much more simple, so much more easy to grasp. Yet there are moments in life, which stun us when they happen. And when they do, we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever...

Isn't it funny how you work so hard to run away, you do everything you can to escape the life you knew. Then when you finally get your chance to leave, you always find a reason to stay. When everything you want is handed to you, it's almost as if you're afraid to take it. I think that's what's holding me back - I'm afraid to be happy. Because somewhere along the road I convinced myself I wasn't worth it, that I didn't deserve to be loved. Somehow all that has transpired over the last couple of months, just makes me believe it even more...

Laughing with my broken eyes...

Dancing little marionette,

are you happy now?

I love when it's all too much...

I took your hand, you showed me how,

I took your words, and I believed,

I know better, but you said forever...

We're gonna lose our minds tonight,

it's so on right now.

This one's for all my underdogs,

so raise your glass, and just freak out...

When the stars go blue...

Even after everything, I'm still such a child. I can't really believe it sometimes. I should have things more figured out, I should be more focused and mature. But as I walk through life, one I haven't really lived, the veils masking the truth were never so thin. And as they reveal my sheltered soul, I find solace in knowing that I am what I've always been - a dreamer. Someone completely out of touch with reality. When I jumped, I thought I could fly. Despite being left with countless scars, I am grateful, because no amount of pain in the world could dampen my spirit, for I finally know that even in face of everything, in face of life, the true dream, is to be able to dream at all...

Sometimes in order to go one step forward, you have to go three steps back. We're so eager to push on, we forget that the road ahead, isn't always the path we're suppose to take. Retracing your steps isn't an act of cowardice. It's an act of faith, an act of hope, an act of strength. If there's one thing I'm sure of, is that it's never too late to turn around and follow your heart. The stars will guide you backward in time, and before you know it, you'll find yourself on that beach, during the summer you'll never forget. With her hand on yours, and your lips on hers, everything will be as though nothing had ever changed...

If this is the way it was meant to be, then I'm honesty fine with it. I just have to accept that even if some people might not stay in my life, they'll always remain a part of me. Laying dorment within my mind and reminding me how much they've changed my life. Then every so often we shall meet again, and as we find each other's eyes, we'll feel a surge down our spines. So powerful, so loud, the entire earth will shake with us...