A freak like me, just needs serenity...

It doesn't feel the same anymore. It doesn't feel right. I just think there's something else I should be doing. The dream was never about this, I always wanted to be someone else. I still do. It's tragic really, because most envy what I have, what I've accomplished. I can't seem to get rid of it. I tried, but I guess there are parts of yourself you cannot banish. I realised today that I'll always be stuck doing this, that I'll always be known as this person - there is no escape. As my mind wanders back to when it all started, I can't help but laugh. I was so sure back then, I was so certain. Now I am left with a regret and a doomed wish, which will haunt me forever.

I talk about situations, I read books, I repeat quotations, I try to make you feel something, anything really. Affirmation is rarely desired, and eternally unforgiving. Somehow everything is going to fall into place. If only I had a way to make it all fall faster. Waiting is hard. Especially for your hearts desire. But I've decided I don't want to wait anymore. I've held my tounge, I've held my mind. Now it's time to set it free. I wonder if I could live with being nobody rather than being somebody I despise. I wonder how strong I would be, I wonder if I would survive.

I am nothing if not impatient, I am nothing if not insecure. I think all I need, all I've ever needed, is someone to fight for me. What I've learned is that it's never too late to apologise and that you're never too weak to change. It's such a strange concept. We're never quite sure who we're becoming, or why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got here.